Dearest,
Every decision related to you and your belongings that I’ve made throughout the last 11 years has been out of love. Yes, it’s true.
Every decision.
Out of love for you, Mom.
But now, it’s all different. I’m different without you here. I must confess, I’m feeling a fresh and new kind of 7-year itch and I think it’s time for me to make new decisions.
I hope you don’t mind. It would be best for both of us. Well, actually, it’s more for selfish pursuits.
Yes, it is about what would be best for me. There, I’ve said it. It’s about me. It’s time to shake some dust.
7 years is a long time. It flew by in a blink of my eye. Just like the years of your battle with dementia. You’d think that I would no longer look around to see everything reminding me of you and that difficult time in our lives.
Why, oh, why would I want to keep those reminders around? When I kept them, I wanted to hold memories of you close by.
Oh, my, please, no, it’s not that I don’t want to miss you. I miss you so, it’s not that I don’t. I hope you know that.
Silly me, of course, you know that. I know that too. I’ll always miss you.
It’s just that back 9 years ago when I made the ‘everything must move’ to our house decisions, it was because I had to. We sold your house, the stuff had to move. Somewhere…
Not that I wanted the burden to decide. Not that I wanted all your stuff at my house. Not that I wanted to discard your belongings, either.
No, it was that every decision made, had to be made because you couldn’t make decisions on your own. Someone had to. That, someone, was me.
If you were sitting here, listening to me, ramble on about everything about that time and all of your stuff, you’d scowl.
That playful scowl of yours I miss dearly, by the way.
Yeah, you’d crunch up your face and chuckle at me. Not because of the toughest of decisions I made about everything back then.
Or my thankfulness for the life you gave me and the years you raised me.
Or why I’m worried about decisions to be made in the now. Nope.
You’d scowl at me for letting silly burdens of everything stick around for so long. And you’d worry about me because I’m still hanging on to everything that I had made rash decisions to keep ‘until later’ when I’d feel up to deciding about them.
“It’s Spring, for goodness sake,” you’d say. And you’d remind me that April showers bring May flowers…and new beginnings. It’s time to smell the flowers, not the musty dust of items stored in boxes.
I know you’d agree, it has been a long time. So, a 7-year itch for me to wonder, in this case, is a good thing.
April is the anniversary month of the day we said goodbye…7 years ago.
Oh, my, yes, it is time to revisit every silly little thing that doesn’t bring me fond memories of you. And this time around, with the love of you in my heart and back pocket, I’m keeping my fingers crossed the decisions will be easy.
xx – Me
Post Inspiration – A-Z Blogging Challenge 2019 – E
PS – How about you, if you’ve lost a parent, did you part with everything right away, or have you kept items for years and now feel it may be easier to part with them?
Never easy, is it? Saying goodbye to anything that was your mom’s. I lost my mom 13 years ago this month–we have that in common, Shelley–and it doesn’t really get any easier, just different. I’ve hung onto a few things of hers and things she’s given me but not a whole lot. I want her, not her stuff. (And your mom would be right–it’s spring!) This spring, an artist friend of mine is doing a pencil drawing of my mom, from old photos, so stay tuned! *Hugs!*
No, it’s never easy. Aw, I’m touched we another thing in common. I agree, it’s her I want, not the stuff. That’s a beautiful gift you’ll have, I look forward to seeing the drawing. I’m sure you’ll love it! Hugs to you, too. Thank you for sharing your thoughts and support xx!!
It’s never easy to go through that stuff. It’s been over 20 years and I still have some things of my mother’s that could be tossed out… if I find it in me to do so. Ever onward, one item at a time.
No, never easy. The struggle to part with stuff is real. One item at a time is a gentle and appropriate approach. Thank you for the reminder it’s okay to take the time needed. Hugs to you as you remember your mom xx
You brought me to tears, my story with my Mom s simialr to yours and how blessed we both are to have memories like you shared
Aw, Alice, I didn’t mean for tears. Sorry to hear you lost your mom too. We are lucky to have special memories, that’s for sure. Hugs to you xx
A big hug for you Shelley. 🙏🏻 My mother passed away April first, 2012 It changes you.
Aw, big hug to you too, John. My mom passed on 4/11/12. We have April 2012 in common. You’re right, it changes you. I thought of my mom when you were sharing pictures of the treasures you saw at home in Michigan and the ones you’ve displayed in LV. Memories of our moms are special. Hugs xx
Indeed. Always in my heart. 🙏🏻
I am pretty lucky (?) in that my mom has already gotten rid of a lot of things. She lives alone and has pared down her apartment to the bare minimum. There will be no big decisions for us to make and not much to hold on to.
You’re very fortunate, that’s for sure. Enjoy the precious time you have with her!
Oh, Shelley, I have been in your shoes and in fact, I’m in them now. I’ve carried my parents’ stuff around for 17 years. Little by little I’ve let go of things over the years and sent stuff to my siblings. Just now, we’re doing another round of purging. I remind myself the memories of all of it live in my heart. I don’t need to be surrounded by everything in order to remember. I’m trying to keep just the things that have meaning and make me happy. I figure I’m lucky to have this type of problem. Lots of happy memories and wonderful parents to miss, but they live on in me and my children. It’s hard. My thoughts are with you.
Aw, Barbara, thank you for sharing your thoughts. I can relate to how you describe the feelings. It’s hard, but you are right, it’s important to just hang on to what really makes us happy and the rest can go. We’re lucky to have parents we miss. My thoughts are with you as you continue on with your round of purging. Hugs xx
This is s very difficult process. I understand and I wish you luck. I could look at something and mentally chastise mom for keeping it while putting it in the pile to be saved.
Yes, it is. I appreciate your words of encouragement, thank you! I do exactly that precise thing many times with many objects – go to toss, and then move it to the save box. My kids even do the same thing when I ask them if they want it. They say no, but ask me to save it. Then razz me because I still have stuff I said I was going to part with. Like you said, it’s a process!
This is such a sweet post. And tribute to your mom as well. That photo of the filled up garage looks SO familiar.
It is so emotional handling the saved “treasures” of those we treasured. I found that taking a photo of something (to be able to look at later) helped ease the disposal. What is the most difficult for me…the actual photo prints. I have not mastered getting rid of those. So I might just let my kids worry about that someday.
Thank you :-). Yes, the items I know she treasured, are the hardest to part with. I am going to try the photo route. I have BOXES of her photos that I kept too. There were BOXES I shredded too. She kept the film companies in business. Luckily my youngest is smitten with old photos, so she took some of the boxes, for now…! My kids went through the garage full of stuff with me, so they are so ready for me not to leave anything like that behind. Double the motivation. Double the stress! xx
How brave you were to shred photos. But somehow better than going to an anonymous landfill. My kids show more interest in inheriting the vinyl records than the photo albums…(Never mind all the boxes of older photos they are not aware of haha).
Yeah, I didn’t want them to end up in an anonymous landfill. I had so much paper to shred, the service that came to pick up the 25 bags full, gladly accepted them. My youngest adores the vinyl records too. LOL – someday, they’ll find them, and they’ll be happy you saved them!
That’s the hope!!
That was beautiful Shelley – you had me misting up a little. I have kept many sentimental things, but I did give all her clothing, with the exception of some tops I could wear, to St. Vincent de Paul charity.
Thank you, Linda. My mom had left a note she penned years before her dementia set in that told me specifically what I was to do with her clothing, so that was the easiest thing for me to process. The rest she said in her note, “sorry about the rest and the mess I’ve left behind.” After all these years, I’m mustering up the bravery to assume she knew I’d make good choices.
It is hard to always know someone’s intentions. And I don’t envy you needing to do this even after all these years – it will still be hard. You’re likely doing it yourself too – all the harder. Same with me … by myself and I had the rudest man at St. Vincent de Paul. Many of my mom’s things were brand new, or nearly brand new … I had piled everything neatly into 9 garbage bags as easier to carry. I was standing with the bags at the back door just before they opened at 9:00 a.m. – he looked at his watch pointedly at 8:58 and said “it’s not 9:00 yet” … he opened up at 9:00 and I was the only one there and he had the audacity to say it was a lot for him to deal with and for me to take it to the bins. I said “the dirty old bins at the side of the store – if I can’t take these bags in this door, they’re going to another charity – it’s your choice.” Begrudgingly he let me in … I should have turned on my heel and walked out. It was emotional enough dealing with the stuff in the bags without his BS.
Yes, it is hard to deal with stuff. I’m hopefully, after all these years tired of periodically seeing the stuff and will finally deal with it. LOL – as I type that comment, I realize, I have yet to open some of those boxes – no emotion attached until I actually look at the contents again. That’s horrible how he treated you. I would’ve been upset too. That reminds me of when I do get the nerve and load up my car and drive to the drop-off stations at Saver’s (Easter Seals). Looking at the room and how they handle the stuff makes me sad. Somehow they make sense of the stuff and do use, reuse, recycle, or whatever. I just have to put on my big girl pants and not let it bother me. Thank you for sharing your thoughts, I appreciate hearing them.
You’re welcome Shelley. Hope you put a dent in that project and mustered through it … you’ll feel better on many levels after it is done.
Thanks, Linda. No dent in it at all, but I did get the floor mopped! :-)! There’s always next weekend…………………
This is true Shelley and you’ll likely be still digging out from all the snow. Did you give a head’s up to Copper that his space is about to be invaded by snow once again?
We will be digging out from snow. I haven’t had the heart to break it to Copper yet. The shovel is ready for the event, though. Sigh…
I heard them say Minnesota and Wisconsin will be dealing with 1-2 feet. My boss has plans to go to the Upper Peninsula Thursday afternoon – short pleasure trip with friends who have a place up there. They are expecting 10 inches Wednesday-Thursday. Enough already with Winter – fingers crossed they overestimated.
Yeah, we’re not sure what we’ll get, but we’re in the track of the storm. Hope your boss’s trip isn’t complicated by it. Enough with winter is right!
Good luck with your storm and stay safe Shelley. My boss is still in bargaining… they’ve been in session since 9:00 a.m.and were supposed to go 1/2 day tomorrow then he goes home, gets his wife and they leave by 5:00 … that would not be for me driving in the dark, in a blizzard 325 miles! (Of course, I am a Winter weenie.) I’m wondering if they are going later and not tomorrow for some reason. We are only getting snow on grassy surfaces.
Thanks, Linda. Well, the storm arrived and is still going strong. I’m SO thankful I don’t have to go out in it today! Hope your boss reconsiders or if he goes they have safe travels.
Our snow must have melted, so I’m going to suit up and get out for a walk. Sorry to hear your storm arrived and is raging – glad you had no meetings or anything to taker you out of the house today. Enough it enough.
I spoke to Robb around 7:00 last night and he is still planning on heading to the Upper Peninsula when bargaining is done for the day. He won’t even leave until late in the day and told me that the Mackinac Bridge may even be closed so he will spend the night on this side of the Big Mac Bridge in the Lower Peninsula. I am a weenie because if I had plans and there was 8-10 inches of snow, I’d stay home. 🙂
Yay, so happy the storm missed you and you can get out and walk! I’m with you, if he only knew how bad it was, he might reconsider. It’s nasty…! I’m happy to be staying home today!
No, he did not reconsider. I talked to him about 6:00 p.m. – his wife drove up to where the bargaining session was so they could leave earlier. At 6:00 p.m., he was in Indian River and said it was sleeting at that time and it had already snowed and the roads were a little slick.
Determination! Glad to hear they made it without troubles.
Oh honey…hugs & hearts 💕
Thank you, Laura!
It’s such a hard process isn’t it? After more than ten years, I still have a few boxes in the garage that I simply haven’t had the heart to go through. Is so hard to cull a loved one’s treasures.
Yes, it is, Lesley. Thank you for your support. We’ll find the strength, one way or another…someday! xx
Your posts remain a bright, uplifting spot in the universe. Even when writing about loss. I appreciate all you put out there for us mere mortals! Thank you! ❤️🙏❤️
Aw, thank you, April – your comment brightened my day :-)!!