I’ve never fussed much with my wild a** curly hair. It has a mind of its own, that’s for sure.
Well…on second thought, after I typed those words, I know that Mr. would disagree and call me out on it.
He’s right. Dagnabit.
When I colored my hair, I fought with it EVERY day. I never just let it be. I can say that I never really loved it either. Taking care of my hair was a daily battle that consumed way too much of my time. And an every 5-6 week gradual process where I’d go into hiding until I got back to the salon to cover it up kind of existence.
Yikes…
How dreadful it was that I lived in the fear of going gray mode. Where I thought I’d look old…so I covered it up. Old, compared to who? My two daughters who are 27 and 30 years younger than me. WTH? Duh…I hope I do look my age compared to them!
I bought into the need to ‘maintain’ my faux hair’s youthful existence. I get it, though, if people feel that way, and still want to, and do color their hair. Even if they do it just for the fun of it, I get that, too. I’ve been there, done that.
All of those mixed feelings I had thought back then went away the day I said no more to the bottle.
Don’t get me wrong, the journey of transition to gray is NOT easy. I felt all alone a lot of the time.
It is way harder than waiting for the salon appointments. It comes with many days full of grayish-like second-guessing yourself moods.
But whether your 30-40 something or 50-60-70 something, when you’re through it and on the other side of your fears of, ‘Will I like it gray or not?’ you will find sheer freedom!
Freedom to be yourself and let your hair do its own thing.
Now that I’ve embraced my gray for almost 3 years now. (Wow…that time has flown by!) I can’t describe to you in proper words how free I still feel.
I finally, after all, these years adore my wild curls. Even the days when they don’t curl, or the days of full-on frizz. I can’t tell you how much I no longer worry what others may or may not think about it. None of the previous worries I had about my hair linger on in my life.
Gray hair to me is glorious, mysterious, and natural. No two people look the same with it either. Each head of hair manifests the shades of gray differently.
As a person on the other side of the transition, I ask myself many days, “With the drive for us to be our own person in this world, why wouldn’t we as a society want to embrace the uniqueness gray hair gives each of us and run with it instead of running to the salons to cover it up?”
I know my own personal answer. Hair is just hair. I love my gray hair, it is good for me.
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PS – How about you, are you on the fence about going gray? Or have you embraced it and feel free too? Or do you think women should color their hair, and why? What age is it okay for them not to color it? I’m always respectfully fascinated by the answers people share.
I have graying blonde hair going on here. The salon people call this color gronde [gray + blonde]. Like you I’m embracing it and have begun to let my crazy curliness go even crazier. I figure, it’s my time to shine– and I’m going to do it in a silver way.
Aw, Ally, that’s wonderful! You shining any brighter is a beautiful treasure I shall love to witness happening! xx
Shelley, your hair is lovely just the way it is. Perfect. I’ve been gray for a few years, have one tiny patch of darker hair hanging on still. Those hairs are fighters!
Thank you, John. I’m like you, with shades of black hair, it amazing what hairs stay fighting the transition. 🙂 Thank you for your support – by the way, your grays look very handsome on you!
I wish I had better hair. Mine is so fine and there is not much left of it. I just recently got it cut very short and I am liking it so far. Yours is very nice. I’d show it off too!
I’m with you on liking our hair whatever it is that we’ve been blessed with or cursed with, it is our own uniqueness that matters. I’m happy to hear you’ve found a cut you like. 🙂 Thank you for your words of encouragement :-)!!
You’re lucky to have such lovely hair in gray shades. And the curls!! If I stopped coloring mine right now, it would be a hot mess of not-great colors, plus color gives it body, since it’s so straight and fine. My mom has really beautiful silver white hair, so I’m hoping mine gets to that stage at some point. But for now, the hair is not negotiable. 🙂
My transition was a hot mess of so many colors! It’s not easy and it is definitely something I wouldn’t recommend doing until you’re absolutely ready for it. You’re making the best choice for you at this point in your life! Plus, your look is stunning on you! Thank you for sharing your words of wisdom with me! 🙂
Ah, thanks. I grew my hair out once about 20 years ago and decided I was a short hair person for life. I’m all about easy on the hair front. And this is the easiest I’ve found. I do envy your curls! 🙂
You’re welcome, the short style looks great on you. I’ve had my hair all sorts of lengths and really short was one of them. I loved how easy it was to wash and go. I do love being able to wear the curls in multiple styles, so for now, I’ll keep it long. But there will come a day for short again. I’m sure of it!
It’s great, good for you
Thank you, Alice! 🙂
I feel more myself now that my hair is grey. Sounds weird, but it’s true. And during convertible weather, super wind-blown hair and a visor is just about the only way anyone will see me!
I can relate to those feelings. The look you describes fits your spirit – I love it! 🙂
Gray hair, thinning hair, wrinkles – I’ve earned all of this stuff, and I’ll wear it like a badge of honor.
You’re right – all are badges of honor of a life well-lived :-)!!
Volume and curl are two bonus points Shelley! I can’t lay claim to either so for the moment I’ll stick to the 6 weekly colour!
Thank you, Marie – I support you and your choices, too. Being comfortable with our looks, no matter what the route we take is what matters most! xx
So true!
An interesting topic, this gray hair situation. I haven’t gotten to letting go of the coloring yet. To let loose white streaks I’m not ready for (even though I may refer to it as my Bonnie Raitt look…LOL). I wonder – have you noticed any difference in the way you are treated? By strangers – in a store, in public, etc. Other women have told me how it changes others’ perceptions – they become almost invisible and feel less respected. They are treated differently…as “old” and if/when they go back to coloring their hair, it changes back. Ageism unfortunately. Perhaps more for women with gray hair than with men? I wish I had curls like you do! No matter what color 🙂
Interesting – let’s see if I feel that way or not? I’ve thought about it. There’s a secret society between women who have gone gray, that’s for sure. It’s a silent bumpfisting kind of deal. As far as other women who do still color and their looks, it depends on the crowd. If it is just one person, they will tend to be more aw-you poor you looks, or I could never do that ever, or yay, I so wish I could do that conversations. If there is a crowd, I’m now rarely the only one who has gone gray, so it is just status quo. It is fairly trendy now, and more and more people are ditching the dye. More and more women in their late 20’s and 30’s and 40’s are ditching the die too. So the stares of ‘Yikes, you should color’ are rare. Except when you’re going through the transition and the dreaded demarcation line. That is when I got most of the stares. I don’t receive more compliments than I did before, in fact, I’d say about the same. Hair is really just hair. I just know for me, I’ve got nothing to hide and that is pure freedom to me, which I thoroughly enjoy. Plus the chemicals burned my scalp so much, it is nice not to have that feeling anymore. No matter what route one takes, we are human and we defend our position until we change our minds. I’ve been on both sides, and now am much happier than I was when I colored. It was fun while it lasted though. You’re right, you should do what is best for YOU!
Doing what’s right for you is definitely the way to go. And scalp burning….ugh! That’s an awful experience – totally a sign to stop as well. Hair color should never be the basis for judgment, no matter what the age. Glad to hear it is trending towards going natural…ie: gray. I also wonder how much this is all a cultural thing.
I’ve enjoyed reading your story 🙂
I agree we shouldn’t judge each other. Going gray definitely taught me to toss aside judgments of other’s choices and to embrace my own better. Thank you for sharing your thoughts, I appreciate hearing them!
My hair was always stick straight and when I started getting some gray in it with highlights/low lights, it gives it some much needed texture. But it does not have the same texture as it did when I was younger which is too bad – the layering helps out a bunch.
Hair definitely changes as we age. Mine, despite the looks, is definitely thinner than when I was my daughter’s age. Makes it easier to have it longer, it doesn’t weigh so much. Way to find what works for you! That’s the most important factor to me!
Yes I hate that mine is thinner too, but I don’t like straight hair so I curl it so it looks fuller, especially with the long layers. When I go to see Jill this Saturday for highlights, she will blow it stick straight. I come right home and put it into curlers. My mom had curly hair and I wish I had taken after her.
Hair is something we fight with no matter what.
I do so less these days, which is a pleasant surprise, but there are still moments.
Tell Jill to curl it for you! You’re paying her right?!
I do every time and she says “I want you to try this look – it looks so nice on you Linda.” She uses a very large barrel curling iron and by the time she gets done, the first part is straight. I just say “fine” as she is so headstrong about it. I usually go right home anyway. Everything else is fine with her- like the cut, the highlights except for the occasional big “tiger-looking streak” and expressed that I didn’t care for that, but not the stick-straight look. I didn’t even do that when straight hair was in style.
LOL – sounds like you two have an agreeable relationship. I really liked my hairdressser, but I can say I do not miss the every 5-6 week trek there. I liked to straighten my hair when I colored it, but now I don’t use any heating irons – they tend to yellow the gray.
Jill and her husband own this small salon – they’ve been there for years. They are both very religious people and I feel that if I am critical of her work, she will think I am disparaging her and take it personally. So, I just go with the flow (not really my normal nature, I’m usually a little more vocal if something displeases me and, like you said, I’m paying for it). I’ve asked several times and I finally just gave up. I know she’ll never read this comment, but she always looks a little wounded when I hike my hair up on a hot humid day when I got for highlights after she has just blow-dried it and “styled” it (her way). I go again in August and November. I always preface scooping up my hair and throwing it into a scrunchy or a messy bun by saying “now, don’t get upset – I don’t want my hair hanging down when it is 90 degrees and 90 % humidity.” She looks at me like I’ve lost my mind. I rarely wear my hair down anymore.
Aw, your so kind to consider their feelings. Way to ultimately wear your hair the way YOU want – that’s what is most important!
Well, they are … how can I put it … gentle souls? That somehow sounds condescending but, for lack of a better description. For example, a mother who was a drug addict left her newborn on the steps of the church they attend just before Sunday services. The pastor brought the newborn in when he began the service. He explained what had happened, read the note from the mother who left the baby and the mother did not want to be tracked down – she wanted nothing to do with the baby and was an admitted drug addict, said the baby was a mistake. After the service Jim and Jill went to the pastor and said they would like him to put a good word in for them to adopt this child before he turned the baby boy over to Social Services. He did. They went through adoption proceedings. Their reasoning for adopting this child … they had four girls, never had a boy – it was meant to be. Named him “JJ” (for Jim/Jill). He has some medical issues with his eyes and had some procedures done – he is about 5-6 now. Their kids were already grown when JJ came into their lives and all four girls are in college right now … four girls, a year apart, all still live at home and very close to their parents. They are just good people … I draw the line being vocal when someone tells me to “have a blessed day.” Feel free to delete this if you want … I strayed off the hair topic a wee bit here and I wouldn’t want to offend any of your followers. In today’s world, overly nice and kind people sometimes overwhelm you.
I’ve only been colouring for a few years, and will likely continue until I get tired of it. I had my hair short for years, and permed, (to make the straight top match the curly bottom), now it’s shoulder length, blondish and straight, back to the way it was in my hippie youth 70’s and I’m liking it! I wish we had had those straightener irons back then. But I agree it is a lot of upkeep and expense.
That’s awesome – it’s great you’re having fun with your hair! Yeah, straightening irons are miracle workers! I used mine a lot when I colored, too. I haven’t touched mine in 2 years…the curls have taken hold and are running the show.
If I had curly hair all over I would just let it do it’s thing – think of the time you save!
I am loving the time saving aspect, that’s for sure! 🙂
A right of passage in proving survival.
Excellent, love it!! 🙂
Love this one Shelley! I’ve embraced the gray since it started full force around 30! I think you look cute in gray too!
Aw, shucks, thank you! I so wish that I had kept my salt and pepper gray in my 30s. Way to go you for the wisdom to persevere without every coloring. Ah…such freedom all those years!!