Cheers · Emptying the nest

The secrets to a 30-year marriage

Well…here we are.  Three decades later, and we’re celebrating 30 years of marital bliss.  WOW – today, 30 years later, and we’re still in love.  While it’s been a blur for a few of the decades, it’s been fun too.

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We don’t buy each other big gifts.  We did take a trip with the kids and their SOs in the spring to celebrate early.  Splurging like that often doesn’t come easily for us.

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Normally, we decide what we need to buy together and do that.  From the first year of our marriage until now, we’ve been putting energy and money into maintaining not only our house and family but our marriage, too.  It’s a mutual agreement that keeps our marriage strong.

Occasionally we buy cards for each other.  Other times, it is just us browsing the card aisle together, and having each other read the cards right there, and then put ’em back.  $5-$10 bucks saved was a better idea to us many times.

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We’ve often focused on what we need for the house, or the kids, or the pets.  There’s no shame in putting others first, right?  The kitchen counters are as original as we are.

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We’ve never fought.  Yeah, right.  We don’t hold grudges, unlike something else in our lives that holds onto smudges.

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We’ve never gone to bed mad at each other.  Yeah, right – I may have, on Friday night when I was so mad at the dog for peeing on the floor.  We do still love to snuggle, and relax, and just hang out together in our house or the Tea House.

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We’ve greeted each other every single morning, with a hug, a smile, and ‘I love you, – (with a quick transition to) – Did you feed the pets yet?’

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We’ve shared so many wonderful meals together, and sometimes I even get to help cook.  While cedar-planked bourbon-glazed salmon might be Mr.’s specialty, bagged broccoli is my specialty.  Meals together nourish our marriage.

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We celebrated early yesterday, with a two-garlic stuffed olive Tangueray martini.  Mr. makes those very well too.

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We toasted each other, as we prepared for our gift to each other this year.  Before eating one of the olives, I couldn’t help but notice that they looked like fingernails coming out of the green olives…

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Eww – gross…don’t roll your eyes yet!

 

The frosted glasses warmed up with each sip we took.  30 years is a special time.  It’s hard to pick a favorite decade.  This milestone is like our golden anniversary – 30 years on the 30th.

I asked Mr. if he was ready for the gift I got him.

Mr.:  “I didn’t get you a gift…we said we weren’t going to get each other gifts.”

Me:  “Don’t worry, it’s just a little something, you’ll laugh…really, you will.”

I handed him the gift and as he unwrapped it, I thought about how strong his hands are and how much he does for our marriage.  And how throughout the day, Mr. got out all the tools as he took off the covers coverings to reveal what’s not faired so well.  Our hunches about the timing of replacements are spot on.

Oh, yeah, some things may have deteriorated under the covers.

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And I helped too – it’s hard to move plants with both hands and catch one that is falling at the same time.

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Good thing we’ve saved $ on cards all these years, ‘cuz a house full of brand new windows isn’t cheap by any means.   It’s time though – they all need to go!

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I couldn’t resist buying a small gift for Mr.’s man-cave.  As we toasted each other, I handed him the gift.  And I smiled, hoping he’d like it.

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I have a hunch he did roll his eyes as he opened it, as well as when he heard the plant crash and hit the floor earlier in the day.  And many other moments in between…but our ability to say “I’m sorry” all these years has been one of the greatest gifts we’ve given each other.

Post Inspiration – New Windows and 30 years of marital bliss!

PS – Hope you’re off to a great week.  Our new windows are to be delivered today.  And it’s supposed to be thunderstorming the whole day.  Yes, my eyes are rolling out loud for sure!  What is your secret to marital bliss?  Do you do big gifts and buy cards?  

 

59 thoughts on “The secrets to a 30-year marriage

  1. What a blessing and gracious gift you both have and share. Congratulations and may you share 30 more like a couple in my church did this weekend. Awesome.

    1. Aww, thank you, Anita. That’s what my in-laws said to us, “Now you need to catch up 32 more years to be like us!” We feel blessed to have each other for all these years.

  2. Love this post! Happy Anniversary! Wow…windows are definitely a pricey gift. But so worthwhile. We just did cards this year and a trip up north for a bit of fun. And you are spot on re: the ability to say I’m sorry. Saves the day many a time. Enjoy your day!

    1. Thank you, Laurel! Yes, windows are surprisingly expensive. We had no idea we’d be buying our house a second time when we built it 29 years ago! All day yesterday, we both said, “I’m sorry we bought that brand of windows back then!”
      Glad you had a wonderful anniversary weekend – I bet the trees were gorgeous, and the weather was nice! Thanks again, we appreciate your encouragement!

  3. Happy anniversary Shelley, great achievement…we’ve been blessed to reach the same milestone this very same day! Here’s to the next 30! xx

    1. Thank you, Marie – congrats to you too! That’s fascinating that we’re sharing the same 30 year anniversary on the 30th!!! Here’s to the next 30 for all of us!!

      1. It is amazing that we share not only the same date but also year! Even better that we are all happy 30 years on! True, here’s to many happy years ahead. X

    1. LOL – that made me smile, we did save the little cake topper for a year, ate it for our first anniversary, but it wasn’t very tasty. We had a Chicago style hot-dog and a beer – that was better than cake! 😉

  4. Again, congratulations guys! New windows, nice! Keep the cold out better. I hope the rains don’t shut down the work.

    1. Thank you, John!! The 3 they set yesterday are all buckled up, but the storms will prevent any more work today. Hopefully the rest of the week will be better!

  5. Yay! Happy Anniversary! And happy new outlook–ha–with all your new windows. Those martinis looked wonderful. You’ve got a special one there, Shelley. Congrats to you both.

    1. Thank you, Rebecca. We’re looking forward to the completion of the window project and the cost savings (that’ll take 30 years to realize…). Yes, he’s a keeper, that’s for sure 🙂 We appreciate your encouragement!!

  6. Today is the first day of Rosh Hashana for those Jewish Americans who celebrate and we ask to be inscribed in the Book of Life for another year. So I feel like saying, may your marriage be inscribed in the book of love for another 30 years … congratulations to you and your mister!

  7. Congratulations Shelley & Mr.!! 30 years is definitely something to be proud of. We got to 31 this year. Those frosted martini glasses looked great and it’s so nice to hear how you celebrate in your special way. I bet you’ll see a huge difference in your heating bill with those new windows!

    1. Thank you!! Congrats to you, too! Each year after 30 is a great thing to celebrate. We’re so hoping that we see a difference in our heating and cooling bills. We already hear a difference in just 3 windows being installed.

  8. It may seem like unnecessary to say, but the not holding grudges is very important. Going to bed angry or with a secret anger we keep inside is unhealthy for any relationship, especially a marriage.

        1. Thank you, Drew. It was an adventure watching our windows get installed. We ended the day with a beer and a Chicago style hot-dog. 🙂

  9. Lovely story and photos to match. Thirty years is a milestone – Congratulations! It takes work to stay married for decades. And attention. And definitely a sense of humor.
    We’ve passed the 40 yr mark and going out to dinner is our celebration. We’ve saved years of cards to each other and “surprise” each other with ones we’ve used before. It’s fun.

    1. Thank you!! Yes, it sure does. Congrats on passing the 40 year mark. Dinner out is our go-to thing as well. We skipped it this year, ‘cuz, well, we wanted to admire our 3 windows that got installed on day one.
      I love your card idea – we’ve done that too 😉 (Or at least I have ;-)).

  10. Congrats on your anniversary. Your martinis look delicious, even with those olives in them. Good luck with your windows. You know I’m rooting for you!

    1. Thank you, Ally! The martinis were delicious.
      I thought of you when the shipment arrived, when they took out the first window, when they set it in to see if it fit and had to tweak the spot…it eventually fit and didn’t fall out or leak overnight in the storm…! Thank you for rooting for us. I hope your new shipment is correct this time around!

    1. Thank you, Dan! You’re right, it does take the ability to follow directions and not get burned in the process!

  11. Heartfelt congratulations to you and your husband, Shelley. I love reading and learning “secrets.” I concur with your word “blur.” Over 40 years for us. I LOVE your little slide shows. Your post brought tears to my eyes. Beautiful! A man-cave…..now that is truly your secret. Wishes for many more years of love💕

    1. Thank you, Erica. Wow – over 40 years, that’s wonderful. And you’ve graduated to grandmother status too – your guest post was a joy to read. We’re sending you well wishes too! Thank you for sharing your encouragement!

  12. Congrats on 30 years! We are at 35 and I can’t say that we’ve never argued although it took us a long time before that happened. We do say that we should never go to bed mad at each other and have managed that. We don’t normally buy presents, sometimes we do cards and we have been taking a trip to Reno for the last few years around our anniversary. Here’s to another 30! Love your beach pictures.

    1. Thank you, Janet – congrats to you two too! A trip to Reno sounds fun, we’ve never been there. Here’s to many more years of marital bliss!! PS – we love the beach shots too, great memories, that’s for sure!

  13. First of all – congratulations on thirty years and hope you have thirty + more. By now the windows are in and hopefully without a lot of rain as well. Wouldn’t it figure, although my friend in Richmond, VA had their windows replaced and they got them done in Winter as they run bigger sales in that season since few people want to have window installs mid-Winter. They had a great deal and the salesman assured them the windows would be out 10 minutes at the most.

    1. Thank you, Linda. Nope the windows aren’t all in yet, hopefully by the end of the week or maybe done by next Monday at the latest. We’re impressed that the crew is so diligent in perfection of installation. Plus the weather hasn’t been stellar. Wow – I couldn’t imagine having gapping holes in the house in winter or wanting to work in those conditions! Once the window is out, the new one gets set fast, but there’s a lot of work before and after to complete.

      1. I was surprised they had windows installed then too, but they had great deals since it was off-season and every so many windows, they got a free window, so I guess that was the draw, but still …

  14. Those are some really sweet photos of you two on the beach. We don’t buy each other gifts either. Just cards. Maybe we’ll try your card trick in the grocery store. 🙂 Congratulations on a wonderful marriage!

    1. Thank you, JoAnna. I hope you enjoy the card trick – it works for other holidays as well. Congrats on your marriage as well :-)!

  15. Thanks for sharing! This blog gives hope to many other married couples.
    One of my favorite passage emphasizes the importance of love -Ephesians 5:33

    Although we are living in very trying times and martial relationships are failing all around us, it is possible for us to make marriage happy and successful.
    Congrats on the big 30th!

    1. Thank you for your compliments and for reading my words. I like that passage as well – mutual respect is very important in marriage. A commitment to lifelong love helps too! I appreciate you sharing your thoughts, thank you for stopping by!

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