Yesterday, as I scrolled stupidly and aimlessly through Instagram and Facebook, I thought to myself, “As an empty nester, comparing myself to social media empty nester experts and over 50 crowds is … well … depressing.”
I liked a few photos from my favorites that I follow (you know who you are), and then I pressed the home button on the phone and grabbed my camera instead.
And reflected as I looked out the window.
Dagnabit, the snow should be melting faster. I’m not excited to see more inches on the way tomorrow, I want to go out in the yard and notice life there.
“Here I am stuck (voluntarily) in the empty nest house. What are the fun people doing?”
I grabbed the phone and scrolled again. Sigh.
Then I grabbed my camera again. And went outside on the deck, in the cold, while the dog did his business.
Spring is definitely not here in Wisconsin yet. Sigh.
Surf up around here is watching the snow sliding off the neighbor’s steel roof.
I shouldn’t compare my scene to the beach photos on Instagram. We’re not going anywhere this year. It’s a staycation time. But, our new windows we installed do help keep the cold out.
Scanning the yard I noticed, wow … it looks like the catalpa tree has beans we could plant come Spring.
I should be happy I’m back to the same weight as I was last year when I was trying to fit into a bikini for a trip to the beach. Except now I’m happy to be wearing comfy lounge clothes instead of a swimsuit. I doubt sharing a photo of my eclectic outfit on Instagram would make me any happier.
I look older than the youngins’ I follow. This includes my kids, (duh), but why do I follow such an eclectic bunch of people? I dunno.
I do like following cat lovers – but I don’t share many photos of my cats there. Just here on my blog. Tizzie our cat ‘follows’ me and I follow her – she’s always perched like an owl that doesn’t want to really be noticed.
On Instagram, I follow sailing/travel peeps, dog lovers, cat lovers, animal shelters, entrepreneurs, life-hackers, food experts, food photographers (yum), nature photographers, yoga experts, crafters, writers, artists, fellow bloggers, wine bloggers, a few friends who post a lot, and a few friends who are like me that rarely post, etc. My new fav is Flavcity. And I follow several empty nest ‘experts’.
Every expert knows how to perch themselves properly on social media. Always on the lookout for the next greatest thing to talk about to keep or get more followers.
Oh, and I inadvertently (aka, not knowing what follows meant/means) followed some very not like me at all people on Instagram. Why?
Was I curious? Probably. I like to sniff random sites out, to compare myself to them. UGH!
Or was it ‘cuz I was drunk?
Nope.
Was I curious to see what they were up to? Probably? I saunter around their posts occasionally to see what they’re up to. To compare my normal, run of the mill, cats are naughty here in our house, empty nesting life.
Or ‘cuz I want to be youthful and hip and stay connected to my kids?
Maybe.
But then I shake my head and move carefully on.
‘Cuz I’m not sure I’m doing the empty nest scene right when I compare myself to the experts? I don’t post my outfit of the day. I do post my breakfast or dinner photos though. Hmm … and posted a recent video about giving my Marimo Balls a cold water bath.
So, am I a normal empty nester?
Hell if I will ever know?
Each full moon, when I can’t sleep I do think about life and empty-nesting and how to not compare myself to others and just enjoy our ‘normal’ which is not an image of Instagram normal.
But seriously, I’m feeling a tad more on the edge of ditching the whole social media scene.
It’s a careful balancing act to not get sucked into temptations of going overboard, just like being an empty nester for the first time. I want(ed) to do it right. I want to walk carefully between the lines of normal and eccentric. I want to celebrate accomplishments, as well as disasters. But mostly I want just to celebrate empty nest life’s normal lessons.
With a press of the home button on my phone, I slid my phone aside to pay attention to what was right in front of me.
And toasted cheers with Mr. (with one martini, two olives, aka, the low carb way) to celebrate another month of our normal empty-nesting. And that I seriously don’t miss beer or Tostitos at all! YAY!
I wonder what future full moons will bring to our normal empty nest life?!
Post Inspiration – Anne-Christine for Lens-Artists #83 – Future (Check out her gorgeous flower photos here!)
PS – Happy Sunday! I’ll be watching the snowfall, what do you have planned for fun? What normal part of your empty nest life do you enjoy the most?
Wow Shelley, tons of food for thought here! Never having had kids my nest has always been empty altho with 4 married brothers there are always kids and grandkids around if needed LOL. And my marriage brought a fabulous granddaughter into my life as well. But I love the empty-nester life and the freedom to enjoy what I want when I want it 😊. You just need to get out of the darned cold ! It used to make me crazy when we lived in the northeast. Hang in there, spring is not far away!!
Thank you, Tina – ditto to you – your beautiful post reminds me of the places in our world I don’t get to see from my backyard. That’s the advantage of blogging – I do get to ‘travel’ through those who do like you!
You’re right – spring is not too far away! I’m keeping my fingers crossed that the groundhog is right 🙂
Thank you for sharing your thoughts!!
Shelley – many thoughts coming out there, and much I recognize. It took me a couple of years to come to terms with the aching in my heart. But, the struggle became less of a struggle and more and more of trying to find new things to do. I engaged myself in things I had been interested in before the children came, and I reached out to old friends from when I worked in another company. All my old friends were also empty nesters – and we started up walking and movie watching and knitting aso. Good contact with my children helped – we keep in touch several times a week. And you have got animals! And a nice husband. i believe the future is bright! Spring will come and with it, your slumbering spirit and joy!
Ann-Christine – thank you so kindly for your encouraging words and warm advice. You’re exactly right – trying new things and getting together with people who are also empty nesters is a good idea. And, YES, thank goodness spring is near! I’ll be outside taking flower photos again soon! xxxxx
And we are looking forward to them!
Wow, you certainly have a nice pile of snow. We’re looking at brown scenes, brown and sometimes wet.It doesn’t feel like winter, except that it was 22°f (-6°c) when Maddie and I walked today. Maybe your thoughts today are why I still haven’t done anything with my Instagram account. Somehow, sleeping cats and a dog that likes to walk and then sit in the sun, don’t inspire me to compare our nest with others. Enjoy the snow (really, I like watching it fall) but I hope it all melts soon enough for you to have a nice spring.
Thanks for sharing your thoughts! Yes we have lots of snow. And we got 8″ more yesterday. It was a beautiful storm to watch though – it was light and fluffy and fell straight down instead of a blizzard. It’s quite pretty this morning with the clear blue skies and the full moon shining down on it. Lots of crystal sparkles. It’s -19 below though but will top out at 30 degrees this afternoon, so a walk outside will be in order.
Yes, Instagram is a funny platform.
I hope you have a wonderful spring too – I bet you’re planning lots of fun projects now that you’re retired?
Wow – nothing says winter like below-zero temps. I’m a little jealous of the snow. 19-below, um, you can have that all to yourself.
Yep – it’s a slam-dunk winter morning here! I’d send some snow your way if you’d like.
That would be fine. Just warm it up before sending it east.
LOL! Will do ;-)!
My empty nest adventure has been different – it’s the divorce thing but the kids are doing well as adults these days. I’ve never tried a martini! I hope your cat didn’t get drunk. 😎😂 No plans today, just my bum on the couch.
Yes, that’s a different path to empty nesting from ours, thankfully we all are fortunate that our kids turned out well as adults!
Martinis are for special occasions – I do like that they are 0 carbs.
It’s interesting our cats do act drunk when they roll in olive juice. It’s quite entertaining.
Glad you had a nice relaxing Sunday!
Thank you for sharing your thoughts, John!
Great moon shot. Love the color of kitty’s eyes. I’ve been having vodka and soda when I drink because less carbs but vodka was never really my favorite drink. Good thing I don’t drink a lot. I hear you about the social media stuff but I enjoy seeing your pictures so don’t give it up quite yet, okay?
Thank you, Janet! I knew you’d like my moon shot. I tried to focus on the moon, but the trees took the show this time!
I’m finding that alcohol doesn’t taste good anymore with this diet. A nice glass of dry red wine is okay, and a martini for a celebration, but I’m good without as well!
I enjoy your photos on Instagram as well. You’re one of my favs that I look forward to seeing. Thank you for the encouragement :-).
It’s so tempting to compare ourselves to others–and social media makes this so easy! I don’t know about being an empty-nester (as me in 8 years!) but I do know I’m SO GLAD that social media wasn’t as big as it is now when my boys were little. Those new mom bloggers can be hardcore in their “advice.” I think I would have been all kinds of confused and worried I was doing everything wrong–and that my new mom life didn’t look at all polished or put-together as theirs. Thankfully, most days I just went on intuition–and we all made it! Now, I am all too often sucked into social media, but mostly for stuff having something to do with writing or my blog. And I still haven’t gotten the hang of IG, really. I’m just not enough of a visual person, I guess. I am always glad to see you out there though, Shelley!
Thanks for sharing your thoughts, Rebecca. I like your take on social media. It was bad enough when I was going through early parenting by reading books that contradicted each other, I’d be incredibly confused if I tried to keep up with moms advice on SM. I feel sorry for the moms and the kids nowadays. You were wise to go with your intuition and your boys will survive well just like you will too!
I’m glad when I see a post by you – you’re one of my favs I follow!!
You’re one of my faves, too, Shelley!
Love the opening image, Shelley! I can only imagine the snow since we live in Colorado years ago.
Your cat has a very good taste. 🙂
Thank you, Amy! I enjoyed your post taking us to Egypt! I can only imagine traveling there – your first-hand photos made virtual traveling a joy for my chilly winter day! Thank you!
Great photos. Love the insightful, meandering (but not aimless), musings. Your dog looks wise. Listen to it. Your cat looks phat. More martinis, less cat food. 🙂 As one blogger commented to me recently, in trading George Carlins’: “One martini, two martinis, three martinis, floor.” 🙂 🙂 I’m not a martini person, but I’ve made up for it. Keep up the good work.
Thank you, John. Yes, my little dog is wise for his age, and our cats are redundantly fluffy – one more than the other. They do burn off calories when they roll in olive juice. That provides us entertainment as well. George is wise – I’ve only done three martinis once – the floor did catch me and I learned that it wasn’t the best place to spend time! One is my limit!
Congrats on your efforts as well – thank you for sharing your thoughts!
🙂
We had snow yesterday that’s all gone today. You can barely tell it snowed. Of course, we’re in for a week of rain…
I think we’ve been over this, but Tizzie looks like our Judy used to look.
I heard that it snowed down by you. I’m glad we got snow instead of rain. I hope you don’t get flooding where you’re at? You have had way too much rain this season!
Yes, I think we have talked about the resemblance before. I bet you still miss Judy, cats do provide nice companionship.
Empty nest experts? Oh my. Don’t even know how to process that concept. Can’t people just live their lives as they see fit without someone telling them how to do it? I need a martini while I muse on the existence of this experts.
LOL – yeah, a martini helps! 😉 Do let me know if you found any advice I could share with the experts.
Love the martini 🍸! And, like you, I’m navigating the empty nest solo and trying to figure it out. But here’s the deal, it’s all a glorious ride and different for all of us. But better with lots and lots of olives! Sending you lots of sunny vibes to melt that snow. Cheers!
Thank you, April! You’re right, it is all a glorious ride and there’s no ‘perfect’ trail. Olives do make things better in so many ways.
Thanks for the warm vibes and for sharing your warm walk on the beach on your blog too. Cheers to you – I hope you have a wonderful week.
I hope you find your “empty nest” groove! I love my quiet peaceful life. Learning photography, going on walks, and planning vacations (even a couple of years out). I love the anticipation of adventure yet to come! …and a good book in a quiet house, listening to the birds 😊
Thank you, Lisa. I’m like you – the quiet peaceful life, behind the camera lens is a favorite part of this time of my life. I like to look forward to things too – even trips. I should start planning one … thanks for the reminder that it doesn’t have to be immediate to appreciate it. Spring will be here soon, until then I’ll admire the beauty of the snow that is sparkling today. 🙂
So sorry, take care!
Here , Viburnum tinus L, Acacia dealbata = mimosa, Jasminum nudiflorum = winter jasmine, daffodils and snowdrops are in bloom..
Aw, thank you, Anne, so nice to hear from you! Flowers and snow drops do brighten my day! 🙂
Husband and I could have to work until 67 years old. So empty nest WOULD HAVE TO BE ABLE TO LIVE on his own alone without us but only our 4 starving for hugs and food cats…. Son and daughter still studying but far from home…
I think we’re on the 67 year old path too. Our 2 cats, one dog, and remodeling funds will keep us working to pay off the debt first. Ah, the joys of long-term homeownership. Thank you for sharing your thoughts and support!
I’ve never had a martini – I’m more of a wine girl and even that’s been about a decade since I had a glass of wine. I like the kitty pictures up close the best, I enjoyed getting out both days, but the snow has put the kibosh on getting three walks in a row. I mused today that I once never missed the Oscars and now I don’t know what any of the movies are, or any of the actors/actresses that are up for awards. I don’t even watch their red carpet arrivals as the glitz and glam are gone in my opinion.
Thanks for sharing your thoughts, Linda!
I didn’t watch the Oscars either – I remember being quite excited about them when I was a teen. I agree with you – they’ve lost the appeal for me.
Even though I’ve been an empty nester for almost a decade, it can still be an adjustment. Adding in retirement was the biggest shift. I do like having more time to do what I enjoy without prioritizing someone else first (most of the time). Hence my blog and jump into more serious photography pursuits. It also allowed me to enjoy yesterday – Sunday – and checking out all the pre-Oscar shows. I really enjoy all the back stories about the writers and directors and of course actors & actresses. The fashion part…not a big deal. I’ve always been fascinated by the movies. I almost made it up to the end of the show, but I think those days are over.
As always I enjoy your photographs and stories. I do agree about the social media. It can go overboard and be such a judgmental “voice” if we are not careful to filter out the nonsense. I closed my FB account 5 or 6 years ago and don’t miss it at all. I am also SO glad I wasn’t raising kids with smartphones and the internet to contend with. Have a great week!
Thank you for sharing your thoughts and tips on how you’ve navigated this stage in life. I agree with you hobbies do help. You’re doing so wonderful with both your blog and your photography.
I didn’t know there are pre-Oscar shows. They sound more interesting than the way the Oscars roll now (compared to when I was a teenager).
Yes – I can’t imagine trying to navigate parenting with SM nonsense. If I didn’t have to manage accounts for work on Facebook I think I’d ditch it too.
I hope you have a wonderful week too – I’m taking a staycation from home and ditching work and spending time with my dad too.
You’re welcome! It is a topic many of us struggle with. Enjoy your staycation – a great time to catch up on fun things as well as the to-do list. Visiting with your dad – a bonus 🙂
We have Catalpa trees here and I’ve wanted to plant some seeds in the yard. How do you like them? I’ve read that they’re messy. The flowers are gorgeous though. As for snow, we had a blizzard here! Got 2 or 3 inches of snow! LOL! Really, it’s a lot for Oklahoma and was a big deal. Everything closed. We wouldn’t know what to do with 8+ inches. I didn’t know there was a right & wrong way to empty nest. Seems controlling to me.
Our Catalpa trees grow very fast. Their leaves and flowers can be messy when they shed them, but they break up easily, unlike the oak trees. I like that they grow fast compared to maples, etc. Wow – 2″ – 3″ is a dusting here in our parts of the US. LOL.
I guess there are EN Peeps who think we should do things a certain way. I agree – controlling or manipulating or suggestive that we’re doing it wrong. All a PITA! 😉
I love the honesty in your post, Shelley. It’s a bittersweet time when your kids go off to college and careers. I remember when I was trying to find my way through a new stage of life. It’s scary and wonderful to contemplate the future. But you may surprise and delight yourself if you keep an open mind and follow what you feel passionate about. (In my case, I ended up going back to college and getting a degree in a new field and started consulting in a totally new area.) Don’t believe the “experts,” who define this time of life as a loss. Those of us who have gone through this “passage” ahead of you, cheer you on! You will find your way, I am sure of it! And the spring will come, too!
Aw, thank you for your encouraging words Patti. It is a transitional time in life and a great time to contemplate changing things up for the future. Congrats to you on finding a path that brought you much joy!
I appreciate the cheers to keep on keeping on. I find a few days or so of a pity party isn’t necessarily a bad thing. Just like a snow storm that makes me remember to pause and notice the beauty of it, I try to embrace the ups and the downs in life with honesty.
PS – your post for the prompt was very moving – a nice job!!
Yes, Shelley. It is a great time to “take stock.” Absolutely true. I remember being frustrated at the stereotype about “empty nesters,” which didn’t help at the time! I’m so glad you’re finding your own way through this transition time! And thanks too for your kind words about my post!
🙂 You’d think we’d be great at transitions by the time we hit an empty nest. At least we recognize them instead of feeling blindsided! Thank you so much for your support!
I love the full moon pic. Also, we had a metal roof on our house at one point. The sheet of snow dropping could wake the dead. LOL.
Empty nesting is definitely something you have to get used to, but I think you’re doing fine. As for social media, I often follow someone and after a bit, I decide they post too much, or they’re too self obsessed, or they’re just not interesting to me anymore. It’s a moving target. And I find I’m looking at it less when I’m busy and more when I’m bored. (Winter??) Hang in there! And cheers to the zero carb martini! I am not a martini drinker, but I did find one in Florida that I loved! Key Lime Martini…like a pie that gives you a buzz. 😁
Thank you, Laurel!
The sheet of snow falling is crazy to watch happen. There’s a car under the left side of the roof line. I bet the mice are enjoying the cover.
I just need to figure out how to easily unfollow people – I made the mistake of just following whoever followed me. I did that on blogs too, so I’ve dug myself a social media hole that I need to start reversing.
I’ve never tried the Key Lime martini – I bet it’s tasty! Plus, in Florida – the warmth of the sun helped give you a fun buzz too!
Thanks for sharing your thoughts – it’s always great to hear from you!!
Shelley, The photos of snow looks pretty on my end. I recall living in areas when we had too much pretty. Cabin fever set in. We were ready for Spring. You remind me of those times. I have a full moon photo very similar to yours, Shelley. You remind me how we all live on the same planet. 🙂 I sometimes wonder about the social media part of my life. I do have a choice on who I follow and unfollow and how much time I spend there. Your post is a great reminder for me, Shelley.
Aw, thank you, Erica. You’re right – it is fun to remind ourselves that we all live on the same planet. And that there is much beauty to appreciate.
The social media factor is troublesome to me, I do feel better when I limited it.
Thank you so much for sharing your thoughts – I appreciate hearing from you!
Hello lovely Shelley! I really love your honesty, authenticity, vulnerability, and self-reflection here, it´s so refreshing!! I enjoy getting these entertaining insights into your daily life and what moves you. Hey, I can totally relate to what you are describing here regarding Instagram etc. I had an account 5 years ago, well I still have it, but it´s basically a “stalker” account now LOL 😂😂 Haven´t posted in 5 years, but I like to check out what others are up – love Elizabeth Gilbert´s vibe and her Insta, and some more leaders as well as regular folks pages. I do not enjoy all those basically bare ass pictures😂 and the “follow me, I´ll follow you” mentality, not authentic enough for my liking. I do at times enjoy stalking 😂 But always with caution, otherwise my mind starts doing exactly what you are describing here so aptly…love your honesty!!! Wishing you a beautiful weekend lovely! Big hugs xxx
Hi Maria!! Thank you for your compliments and for sharing your thoughts about social media. It’s hard to keep up with all of it – authentically. Now that you mention that factor, I think you’ve hit on why it is particularly troubling for me. If (I) we can’t share with honesty, vulnerability, authenticity, then why share? Hmm … thank you for the food for thought this week! I’ve been off on vacation, so need to get caught up this week! I look forward to stopping by your blog soon to see what you’ve been up to and where your words and photos take me on a travel adventure. I hope you have a wonderful week! Hugs to you, xxxxxxx
Aw Shelley, thank you for your sweetness! I had a bit of a crazy week and just saw your email last night, so sorry for the delayed response!!! Thanks sooo much for it, I truly appreciate you taking the time to read my ebook and give me that very valuable feedback!! I will email you back very soon, just getting back into the swing of things now. As to social media – it´s an interesting topic for sure!! I think I prefer blogging – it just seems to be easier to connect to people in a deeper way here, i find. I also really do not want to instagram my every move lol. Sending you many hugs, thanks again SO much for your email, and wishing you a beautiful week! Take care lovely xxxx
Hi Maria!! You’re welcome! No worries, I completely understand crazy schedules and taking time for yourself. Thank you for the opportunity to read your book and to share my initial reactions – feel free to take my thoughts or leave them! 🙂
Thank you so much for your continued support of my blogging efforts and for sharing your thoughts about social media!
Hugs to you too – hope your weeks is wonderful! Take care, xxxxxxxxxx!
Shelley, you are SO sweet. I truly appreciate your understanding and kindness 🙂 Gonna be in touch next week with you, my lovely blogging friend! Big hugs and have a beautiful weekend gorgeous lady xxxxxxx