Adventures

My Reminiscing Ode to Copper

Shelley

As I hold you in my arms, rocking you gently back and forth, I glance at the full moon in the sky. I see it between the slats in the mini-blind. Your breathing is nervously rapid, your head sways back and forth and you almost relax enough to close your eyes and rest your head on my shoulder. Then you stir, so I put you down on your bed, and you try to go to sleep.

I climb back onto my office chair to write you this little reminiscing ode.

As I sit here at my computer desk in my office, I listen to you pacing back and forth between the door and your little orthopedic bed. Trying to settle in. Doggie dementia is a terrible thing. Your mind quiets as I work, I’ll miss looking behind me to see you resting comfortably.

I listen as you groan when laying down. Sighing when you get up. And snoring while you sleep. You hack and cough when you wake up. That’s been my morning alarm clock for several months now. I’m going to miss those sounds of you, a little old man who’s 16 1/2 years old. I may not miss us getting up at 3:43 am, though. I’m sure the first day I sleep past that time, I’ll cry like I did last night. You couldn’t hear me crying last night. Deafness is silence for you. You do stay close to me, which I do love.

You cuddled up close and tight last night and made my night feel right. Over the years, we’ve snuggled together on couches, beds, and chairs, oh my.

It was love at first sight. True love for which I give all my might. To have and to hold and hug for just one more night.

Little buddy, you’ve put up a good fight. It’s so hard to know when the time is right. Quality of life, not quantity, is what the experts say. Pets live in the moment, not the past, and not the future. They also say it’s the pet owner’s responsibility to make the decision as to when the time is right. They know their pet the best. Yeah, I agree with that – the vets don’t always know what’s best. You’ve learned what’s best for yourself through a lifetime of joy and a big dog attitude.

4 years ago, when I took you to the vet to get your teeth fixed and cleaned, we discussed treatment for fleas and ticks since we were spending more time in the yard. Chasing rabbits and gophers and birds. I still have the little jar with the ticks I found on you. Not sure why, just in case, I guess? Back then, the vet recommended a small pill that works, “Great, I give it to my dog, and most dogs tolerate them well.” Simparica. But, I didn’t read the warnings, I just trusted the vet’s recommendation. FDA approved – well, we all know not all FDA approvals are without risks.

I thought I was doing what was right to keep the fleas and ticks away. You were finally old enough to stay close to me while we explored the yard. You loved it when I’d grab my camera and we’d head outside together for adventures in the yard. Thinking back, though, that was the summer you were suddenly allergic to grass. And you licked your paws until they were so sore they almost bled. I only gave it to you from May – October of each year. And you also came down with tracheal collapse. Was that a side effect too? Maybe?

Ours is true love for which we gave all our might. I’m so sorry…I wish I could take those pills all back and make things right.

I gave them to you, for the freedom to roam – little dogs love to roam and run and be free to just be.

I thought it was the food we fed you, but now I’m not so sure. Ah, you used to run and be so free of pain.

Little did I realize it was that tiny pill that’d slowly kill. I thought it was just old age. But maybe not? You’ve had seizures since taking it and now have IVDD symptoms. You can’t always make it up the stairs on your own. Especially if you are off on your memorized cadence. Or stair count. Or the cats pounce at you at the top and you flinch and fall backward. Falling down the stairs must be so scary too. I must share the warning so other pup owners are aware.

It’s hard not to see the neurological distress signs in retrospect. And, now I feel incredibly guilty as we’re to part ways tomorrow, tomorrow, tomorrow. The neurological pain and issues have taken their toll on your little body and soul. According to your fading memory, the big wide world is way too scary now.

The stairs are scary, the big yard is scary, and anything out of the ordinary or out of its proper place makes you freeze and shake. I know you’re scared of everyone except for me. And you barely let me hold you. When your legs shake out of control I pick you up and stretch them to calm you and them down. You still trust me, thankfully.

Don’t worry, buddy, I’ll be there with you until the end. The vet office says we can take our time and sit under the shade of a tree and let you relax. You’ll smell the air, and my bad breath one more time as we say goodbye. You still trust me, I see it in your going-blind eyes. Those adorable eyes and that sly little feed-me-some-of-that-snack grin.

Those eyes I fell in love with from our love at first sight moment will linger in my mind through our last moments. You closed them as you remembered every inch of the yard while I carried you around to just be there one more time. Your sense of smell has stayed strong, that’s for sure.

Ah, I love your eyes.

I looked into the depth of them during our dance together yesterday in the tea house.

I told Copper we’d dance to the next tune that came on the radio, and it was this song. We enjoyed our dance.

Oh, dearest Copper, I feel much love, respect, and great sorrow – but tomorrow, little buddy, you’ll be free from the pain.

And the memories of you and our years together will fill my heart forevermore. I love you, Copper!

Post Inspiration – Linda G. Hill’s Stream of Consciousness Saturday – Your Friday prompt for Stream of Consciousness Saturday is “ode.” Find a one- or two-syllable word that rhymes with “ode,” or use the word “ode.” Have fun!

PS – Thank you to all of Copper’s adoring fans. You’ve made our adventures together all these years so much fun. He sends his love your way. Take care of your pets and do your research before feeding them and giving them medication!

Published by Shelley

Letting my quirk out one post at a time.

59 thoughts on “My Reminiscing Ode to Copper”

  3. What a cute little buddy. I loved our Copper moments even the poop in the snow stories.😂 Too hard to write with my tears falling down my face. 😥 Many hugs to you and to “our” little Copper 😥🤗❤

  4. Crying as I read this. Love and hugs to you and Copper dear friend!

    1. Aw, thank you, Priscilla. You’ve had an emotional month too, I’m sorry for your family’s losses. Copper reminds me of our time at CHP – I got him from Jessica, Team 7 TA’s sister in 2005. Happy memories all around. Hugs to you – thank you so much for your support and friendship! xoxo

  5. Shelley, I am so sorry. A big hug for you both. I hope you won’t mind me not pressing the like button. 😥

    1. Thank you, John – you’ve been such a wonderful and supportive friend. Copper and I enjoyed every comment and like you’ve shared over the years.

      1. Aww thanks. I don’t know how long we have followed each other but it’s been a wonderful journey. Maybe some day we will meet in person!

        1. I don’t know for sure, but I’m guessing it was in 2017 or 2018? You’ve made my excel spreadsheet master list of blogs I follow! Yes – maybe we will. My boss lives part-time in Vegas, if we ever go to visit him, we’d definitely give a shout out to you!

          1. That would be great! Wow, three or four years? I kinda feel as though I’ve met you and your husband! I don’t know how to use a spreadsheet but I feel honored!

  6. Ahhh, I am so sorry for you. That’s the worst day. And even though it’s probably no comfort, we had our doggo on speciality food for his allergies. When he got sick, we found out there was a missing ingredient in those dog foods that had been found to cause the heart disease that got him. So hard, but we can only do our best. Hugs to you!

    1. Ahh, thanks Laurel. It is a very challenging day. It is comforting to know there were likely many factors, including food, that lead to Copper’s health issues. After saying goodbye to him, I did read some articles about congestive heart failure in small breeds like his, and it is quite common. We’re doing our best. Thank you for your support and hugs. xoxo

  7. What a beautiful ode to such a sad & heart wrenching time. I am so sorry for your loss. Hugs to you and your family. It was always a pleasure to read about your sweet Copper. Take care. ❤️

    1. Thank you, Andrea. It has been harder than I imagined it would be. I’m glad you enjoyed reading about our Copper adventures. He is truly missed. I hope you’re family is adjusting to your challenges too. Take care, and thank you again for your support.

      1. You’re welcome, Shelley. It’s such a tough time and he will live on in memory. ❤️ You wrote so beautifully about him, I felt like I knew him too. You take care as well.

        1. Aw, thank you, Andrea – Copper had such a personality, it was kind of easy to put words to his actions. I’m glad you got to know and enjoy him too.

  8. Such precious memories you share with sweet little Copper. It is so hard to let them go, and they do leave paw prints on your heart. (((hugs))) <3

    1. Thank you, Barbara. You’re so right they leave paw prints on our hearts. Sometimes they feel light and other times very heavy. I so appreciate your hugs, thank you!

  9. Sorry to hear that the end is near for Copper, Shelley. I’m sure, though, that he has felt very loved and enjoyed his life.Hope that your memories and photos will continue to bring joy to you through the pain of loss.

    2. Thank you, Sue, I appreciate your kind words. Yes, he was loved, and I was loved back. We’re slowly adjusting. There are many moments of joy I keep tapping into to make the days feel less sad.

  10. On this day of grief, there are few words of comfort. Because you shared your love of him in such a wonderful way, Copper will remain in our memories.
    -Ellen

  12. Our pets are family and it is heartbreaking when it is time to let them go. May you take comfort in the memories you’ve made with Copper, and that he knew he was loved.

    1. Thank you, Lisa. Yes, it’s heartbreaking. I’ve got so many memories to take comfort in. I’m sure he knew he was loved as much as I felt loved by him. I appreciate your kind words, thank you!

  13. Copper was such a sweetie. I’m sorry for your loss. I do think you did a lovely post about him. Not much consolation, but still something good, perhaps?

  14. Oh Shelley, I’m so sorry you have to go through this. It’s so heartbreaking. I’m fighting back the tears so I can type. Please don’t blame yourself. You did everything you could to give him a long and happy life, which he has had. He has brought smiles to people he doesn’t even know. He will be missed by all of us. You’re doing the hardest thing in the world as a pet owner and there is no bigger or more difficult gift we can give them.
    We take the pain so they don’t have to.

    1. Aww…I’m holding back the tears again! All of your comments and especially the last line hit home. Sniffles…thank you – your support means the world to me.

  15. After the tears quit rolling down my cheeks and clouded my vision, I am writing this comment. This post was not unexpected as you and I have been commenting on Copper’s demise, but it doesn’t make it any easier. I kind of thought of myself as a doggie aunt, thinking about him, asking about him … but I’m sure I’m not the only one caring from afar. People will say he has lived a long life and you did everything you could for him, but those words don’t make one bit of difference now as you grieve the loss. I’ll think of you tomorrow … stay strong Shelley. P.S. – I’ve clicked “like” on and off three times … can’t do it. Wish there was a “care” button.

    1. Oh, Linda, I can’t express enough how much our family has appreciated your doggie aunt status throughout the years. Your kindness and encouragement has brought so many happy memories to our lives. Thank you so much for joining us in the ups and downs of our journey with Copper. You’ve brought many smiles to our faces as we’ve read your comments. Thank you xoxoxoxo!

      1. I liked being Copper’s doggie aunt from afar. You brought his attitudes and antics, as well as sorrows for us to read and smile or feel sad – we miss this little guy now too.
        {{{ Hugs Shelley }}}

  16. Ahhhhh, you post is making me cry. I know so much how you feel, having lost three kitties in my adult life. The last one was so hard for me because I waiting over the weekend not realizing how bad he was. I could have taken him in on Friday so he didn’t have to suffer as much. We love them as long as we have them, letting them go tears our heart out, but in the long run, it was worth it, and we gave them a life time of love and joy. Hugs to you Shelley for your love and devotion to your little buddy for all those years 😢🤗

    1. Aw, Lisa, thank you for your kind words of understanding and compassion. I’m sorry you’ve had to say goodbye to three kitties. We waited over a weekend for one of ours when our kids were little. It’s so hard to know when the time is right. Pets just cover their pain too well at times. Thank you for your hugs and support – we appreciate it so much!

  17. I’m so sorry that the time has come for you to say goodbye to Copper (although they never really leave us, right?). I wish I could erase all the guilt you feel. Not only did you do what you thought was right but you’ll never know if those pills negatively impacted him. His symptoms of aging sound so much like those of other dogs who didn’t take the pills. Hugs to you.

    1. Thank you for your support, Janis. I know guilt is a normal part of grieving and I’ll have to find peace in knowing I did what I could for him. He’s at peace now, and we’re working through the missing him like h*ll moments. I so appreciate your hugs, thank you!

  18. Having just lost Mimi a couple of months ago, I fully understand your pain as well as Coppers. He will be running in heaven and waiting for you to come someday. Prayers for comfort.

    1. Oh, dear, Anita, I’m sorry to read about Mimi. You two were very close. I’m sending hugs your way too. I hope Copper and Mimi have found each other in heaven and are running free of pain. Prayers for comfort for you too xoxox

  20. I’m so sorry I didn’t see this sooner, Shelley. I hope you’re doing alright. I’m sure it must feel strange to be home without your little buddy. Wishing you peace, my friend!

    1. Thank you, Rebecca. I’m doing alright. Good days and bad days. It is definitely strange to not have him here to greet me. We’re finding peace knowing he’s at peace.
      Enjoy every bouncing dog moment with Rufus and the boys as they grow!! xoxox

  21. Heart breaking dogs are family members and its like losing a limb. Our dog Quest we put to sleep 25 years ago and we still have fond memories and still miss him today. My heart goes out to you. Little Copper a little character ❤️❤️❤️

    1. Aww, yes, it is like losing a limb. Thank you for your kind words of support and encouragement. Your Quest was not doubt truly loved. I imagine if we’re still alive in 25 years we’ll still be talking about Copper too. xoxo

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