Going Gray

How I Roll With Messy Thoughts About Changing and Aging

Shelley

It’s the simplest of things that make me smile. This morning it was tearing off a piece of paper towel off a new paper towel roll that worked as it claimed it would work. Quick, easy, one-handed motion is simply so satisfying. A roll that doesn’t tear off clean with each piece is a rolling pain in the arse every stinking day until it is gone. As I age, even if I roll with the challenges, I have less tolerance for things that claim to be one thing and turn out not that way. Go figure, eh?

Anyhoo, this week, I turn 59. I’m famous, as I was born one year and one week after JFK’s assassination. I remember that fact as I had a boyfriend in junior high school who was born exactly one week before me and his mom liked to point out that she was in labor on the 1st anniversary of JFK’s death. Now you know that too.

Where was I going with that? I dunno.

I’m back on track to find I’ve rounded the corner to find my way to the end of November 2023. Another straight shooting attempt at not overeating on Thanksgiving Day and a traditional Black Friday shopping excursion to burn off excess calories are history. Now, I’m on to celebrate and embrace my birthday week. I’m feeling a bit odd about it, though. Is that normal?

I can’t quite place my thoughts in order about myself turning 59. I’m thankful to have another year to live. I’m proud that I’ve learned to control all the balls I’ve balanced over the years as I’ve played my ever-changing roles in the game of life. I still wonder why tennis balls come in odd numbers in containers. Are we humans attracted to oddness over evenness?

As I ponder life-changing moments, I find my lips often pursed and my nose skewed sideways to embrace the calendar’s turn to an odd number of years being alive. I can’t see where I’ll be yet as there’s a blinder in my eyes to not notice any potential downfalls in the year ahead as I become 59.

I’ve chatted recently with my daughters and my friends about turning 59. No big ideas came up out of all the options. My youngest, said, “Well, Mom, what do YOU want to do?” Of course, it does come down to that, doesn’t it?

I have this quote on a piece of paper sitting on my desk as a reminder that it’s a journey of discovery as we age.

Maybe the journey isn’t so much about becoming anything. Maybe it’s about un-becoming everything that isn’t really you so you can become who you were meant to be in the first place.

www.dreamsforbreakfast.com

I’ve had some edgy ideas, midstream ideas, far-reaching ideas, and the same as others’ ideas. There are also potential empty space ideas to grow into liking as the seasons change. The long winter ahead will likely produce more of those.

Each attempt to find the fine line of what I want to do this year aligns with what I’ve tried before on repeat and perhaps still need to do. Oh, yeah, that list is long. So maybe that’s a sign to pay attention to? Maybe I just need to do whatever I decide to do and do it my way.

I’ve found space in my little corner of the world where I’ll continue to peck away at the ideas that stand out to me. For now, at this moment in time, I’m ready to give up being 58 and take on being 59. I didn’t even have to shop for that birthday gift. After going back and forth about how I felt about the big 59 coming up, I decided if Mr. could do it, so could I. Turning another year older is free. Lucky me!

Mr. is 4 years older than I am and stronger. This weekend, he saw me trying to break open the pumpkin for the critters and came to my rescue. He even stood there waiting while I ran back to the house to get my camera to capture the action.

As I approached him I took the before shot of the scene, because, of course, I must get that shot in before the rest of the shots I imagined I should take. Like a still shot of the pumpkin looking ready to be broken and to serve a new purpose in life. I was very fond of this adorable, perfectly rounded pumpkin. It was free and served the role of decorating the front doorstep all by itself. Now it’ll feed the critters who will enjoy it for their Thanksgiving dinner or their midnight snack under the full moon that is soon to arrive this week.

Mr. looked at me as he picked it up. I gave him the nod to go ahead and give it a toss. Good thing he had been practicing raising items (aka, the axe) over his head and lowering his arms with force.

On the first attempt, the pumpkin bounced and rolled off the old and brittle stump that it crushed as if to say, “Sorry dude, that’s a bad idea, try again with a different approach.”

After a few tosses of it into another stump on the ground. Mr. achieved pumpkin-splitting success.

He arranged the broken pieces for the photo op. Nicely done, don’t you think?

We don’t have to cut it up as the deer hooves and the squirrel’s paws/teeth do what they need to do to get the parts of the pumpkin they enjoy eating. There are plenty of seeds to eat or transplant so we’ll see if a pumpkin patch appears next year.

Mr. left me to my thoughts as I squatted down with my camera to inspect the pumpkin. As a kid, I was fascinated with the empty space a pumpkin has inside it with the stringy orange stuff and the seeds. Layer upon layer the pumpkin grows and seeds form as it ages. Do I feel like a pumpkin ready to burst open with all the ideas I’ve been nurturing? Maybe I should roll with that idea?

A pumpkin is a work of art – here’s the top edge.

The bottom edge.

And the gooey insides. In the lower right-hand corner, doesn’t that look like a ghost screaming as it looks into the pumpkin? Or perhaps it’s like Me, looking in the mirror and realizing there might be a few more wrinkles and sagging skin to admire?

Sunday morning I trekked out to see if the critters found it before it snowed on them overnight. The idea of the snack bar availability here hasn’t spread out to the critters yet. 🤔

Well, it’s Monday again, and I guess I may have changed to a Monday blogger instead of a Sunday one. Oh, well, that’s how I roll with changes now. I’ve rounded my way to the end of this post which closes another installment of my adventures in blogging.

At least I haven’t lost my imagination as I age. 🤣😂

Whatever my 59th year should be like, I shall use my imagination as part of my daily routine. I’ll see you all back here in December as an aspiring personal blogger who recently turned 59 and broke the Christmas tree stand before it was even set in place. 🙄😏

Post Inspiration: Linda G. Hill’s Stream of Consciousness Saturday: Your Friday prompt for Stream of Consciousness Saturday is: “something that closes.” Write about the first thing that pops into your head that closes. Enjoy! Terri Webster Schrandt’s Sunday Stills Nov 26 Rounded and Patti for Lens-Artists LAPC #277: Empty Spaces

PS – When your birthday rolls around, do you set new goals for the year? Do you like the odd number of years or even numbers? Do you think the critters will enjoy the pumpkin? What do you do to keep your imagination fresh? Are you ready for December?

Published by Shelley

Letting my quirk out one post at a time.

62 thoughts on “How I Roll With Messy Thoughts About Changing and Aging”

  1. Cheers to your light-hearted reflection about birthday week. No light covering of snow for me yet – but the upcoming week will be our coldest yet. Oh my – winter is coming! Good idea of the pumpkin buffet for the needy. Have a wonderful birthday week … embrace it … enjoy! A toast to you – Happy Birthday! (well, on the day)

    1. Thank you for the birthday cheers and well wishes, Frank! 😍
      I hope you’ve gathered up your warm clothes and blankets and stay cozy this upcoming week. Yep, winter is upon us once again. 😊

  2. The Like button doesn’t seem to be loading, but I like this post, Shelley. I am far ahead of you at the next end-of-decade marker (also a November baby). I don’t pay much attention to the numbers. The one I looked forward to was 65, as I was ready (and required by my employer) to retire at that point. I didn’t start setting new goals, I just found myself with enough time to pursue the old ones.

    We had very tiny pumpkins in the patch that the squirrel planted. I cut them in half and someone ate them. I didn’t see the ghost, but I liked your photos. Is the tall thing to the left of the pole in the first photo a contrail or something on the ground?

    Enjoy your birthday week – Happy Birthday!

    1. Another moment of WP attempting to invade our blogging adventures. It looks like the like button eventually worked for others.
      YAY for another reason for us to celebrate together! Happy Birthday to you too.
      I remember reading about how you prepped for turning 65 and retirement. You had four books to concentrate on, I’d say that’s a major accomplishment since you retired.
      That’s a great pumpkin story. I hope some critter finds my pumpkin.
      Yes, that’s a contrail, it was so slow moving, I just had to take a few pictures of it.
      Thank you for the birthday wishes!

  3. You are the second, almost in a row, blogger who has written about growing older. I guess we’re all of that mindset at the moment. I didn’t do pumpkin decorations this year, so my deer are going to be PEEVED! We have snow and the backyard is beautiful but there were plenty of deer tracks out there this morning, I’m sure they’re looking for a free lunch.

    1. Great aging minds think alike 😂
      If I hadn’t found the free pumpkin, I don’t think I would’ve decorated either. I hope the deer find mine or at least the scoundrel red squirrel so that some critter enjoys our effort to feed them.
      Stay warm and cozy and enjoy the scenic views.

  4. So that’s how you break a dead pumpkin! My neighborhood deer are anxiously awaiting ours…LOL! Great shots of round and happy birthday, Shelley! 59 is a sobering year–I felt the same way you do. Trust me 60 will seem odd but strangely freeing. I’m 64 on Dec 4th–egads–now hubby can sing the Beatles song to me. I already sang it to him in October. I LOVE your note saying it’s not becoming anything, but unbecoming things that we are not!! Profound.

    1. I hope we see you and your hubby breaking pumpkins in a post too! 😂
      Thanks for confirming my suspicions about the feelings I’m having turning 59. It does feel sobering. While I don’t want to rush it away, I do hope the arrival of 60 will seem freeing too.
      Aw, my dad’s birthday is 12/4 too. I hope your hubby sings well and that you have a wonderful birthday. 64 is kind of like turning 59, each are a big year before a bigger milestone year.
      Isn’t that the coolest saying? I look at multiple times a day to keep things in perspective.

      1. Happy birthday to your dad! I’ve lost count of how many people I’ve discovered over the years who share the Dec 4th birthrate. Excellent point about the years before the milestone years!

  5. I will be 63 non the shortest day of the year next month, time just rolls on… The photo with the wood has a one-eyed face on it and lips! I’m surprised that nothing went after that pumpkin, they are so weird inside! Monday is a good day to post your thoughts, Shelley. Have a great week, guys. 😊

    1. Hi John, you turn 63 the day before Mr. turns 63! Yes, that’s what he says too – time just rolls on.
      I’m glad you saw the one-eyed face too. It’s amazing to me to see how logs form and what’s inside them.
      I’m really surprised about the pumpkin too.
      Thanks for the encouragement to post on Mondays. This time of year has been quite busy on the weekends, so it’s working out better for me for the time being.
      I hope you’re having a great week and that your trip back to Vegas was uneventful. I’m sure you’re missing your family but happy to be back to warmer weather!

      1. Happy birthday to your husband! We are Christmas babies. You’re welcome for the encouragement! All is well here, it’s good to be home and I’m adjusting to the Pacific time zone quickly. Be well! ☺️

        1. Thank you, same to you! I’m glad to hear you’re adjusting quickly to the time change. Having all that sun makes a difference.

  6. well first of course, happy birthday Shelley. I too am a November baby and always kind of hated it but by now it seems to fit LOL. Just think of us as harbingers of the holiday season – what could be better than that?!

    1. Thank you, Tina, Happy Birthday to you too!! My hubby was born in Dec before Christmas, and I was born around Thanksgiving. I like that idea – yes, we’re harbingers of the holiday season 🥰😍🤗

  7. Shelley, this gallery was so strong, particularly because of the accompanying thoughs you shared about aging. Join the club! We are living longer and healthier. On to your questions… I don’t set goals for a new year. I’m simply grateful to be alive and healthy whether it’s an even or odd year. Nice photos!

    1. Thank you, Egidio, I appreciate your wishes and your encouraging comments.
      You’re right, being grateful to be alive and healthy is a goal for all of us to embrace.

  8. I like the idea that as you age, if you want to be your best self, you have to un-become who you were when you were younger. Not in all ways, but you have to accept limitations and enjoy the passage of time and who you are now.

    I’ve never thought about using my birthdate as a time to set new goals. Intriguing thought.

    1. Hi Ally! I agree with your take on the quote. There are some parts of me that grew up and learned valuable lessons that I should hang on to.
      When I started this blog it was around the time I was turning 49 and blogging became a way to embrace turning 50 as a goal. Here I am 10 years later still blogging and wondering 🤣

  9. Happy Birthday Shelley!! I’m sure you’ll enjoy the entire year that you’re 59. I turned 65 last week. It seems like there’s always reflection as we get older. I have to say that was a really nice pumpkin you had! I also noticed you changed your tag line. I like it!

    1. Thank you for the birthday wishes!!! Aw, Happy 65 to you! I hope you had a wonderful birthday and that you’re enjoying greeting the milestone birthday with happy spirits.
      That pumpkin was so perfect.
      I didn’t change anything…which tag line are you referencing? I’m glad you like it, though 😊

  10. I liked the story of the pumpkin! Glad you remembered to set it out for the critters to find. … Wishing you a very Happy Birthday! Mine was on Thanksgiving day haha 🙂

    1. Thank you, Barbara, I’m glad you liked the pumpkin story.
      Thank you too for the birthday wishes! Happy Belated Birthday to you too. I remember once where my birthday landed on Thanksgiving (or maybe we just celebrated it that day). Having turkey for my birthday dinner was a common thing. I hope you had a wonderful birthday celebration!!

  11. Happy Birthday! Enjoy being in your 50’s this year. 😉 We have snow now too. So it goes, I guess. 😊

    1. Thank you, Laurel – it’s great to hear from you – a birthday present indeed! I’m hoping to love being in the 50s still for 365 days in a row!
      ‘Tis the season for snow…I hope we don’t have a repeat of last winter though. Enjoy the beauty of the first few snows and I hope you have a wonderful holiday season with your family. 🥰

  12. First, Happy Birthday!

    I’m not a goal-setter, either at New Year’s or on my birthday or any other time, for that matter. I tend to forget to work on them…

    Seeing the pumpkin in pieces reminds me of the Peanuts cartoon (which also kicks off “It’s The Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown”) where Linus is watching Lucy carve their pumpkin, where she cuts a hole in the top then digs all the guts out of it. Finally, he yells, “You didn’t tell me you were going to kill it!”

    1. Thank you, John! I’m with you on the lack of desire to set goals. I have found that if I write some down though, I eventually accomplish them.
      YES! That’s the scene I thought of too. I remember as a kid being shocked by that scene. It’s funny now, thanks for the reminder to laugh at those situations.

  13. You had fun putting that pumpkin out for your critters – it was your prize you won, a wonderful porch decoration and now feeds the hungry deer (that is if they can figure it out – they were a little slow on the uptake weren’t they?) We have snow now too but not like Wisconsin snow, just an inch altogether but tainted by the dreaded freezing rain and slick. I do set a goal for my walking and between having a lot of posts prepared beforehand and now having them ready, but trying to conform the posts in part to Terri’s weekly challenges, I’ve not reported on my walking goal – I will make it, as long as this icy stuff doesn’t linger. So that is a goal and I have many more in store for when I retire. Getting to that point, will set me free to pursue my hobby goals, read more and just enjoy life not tethered to a keyboard for 10-11 hours a day. Happy Birthday two days early!

    1. Yes, that simple little pumpkin has brought much joy to me this fall. I hope the deer find it or the red squirrel. I’ll check on the status on my birthday.
      We dodged the freezing rain, but the roads are slick in places.
      I’m sure you’ll make your walking goal for the year, you always find a way to do it.
      I bet you’re looking forward to not being tethered to your keyboard!
      Thank you for the birthday wishes! I have the day off 😊🤗

      1. Yes, it has – a fellow blogger said they put all their pumpkins out near the woods in back of their home and watched all the deer feasting on them. I will make my goal, but if it stays icy here it might put a crimp in walking and we’re getting more snow this weekend … what happened to the El Niño predictions? Have a good day off – hope you have something fun planned for your birthday!

        1. I still need to check on the pumpkin status. 🤔
          I heard that MI was getting snow! Ugh, I hope you don’t have a crazy winter like the crazy weather this summer!
          Thank you, I’m excited to have the day off and I’m having lunch with a dear friend to celebrate. 🥰🥳

          1. Good – sounds like a fun birthday. Today was brutally cold, but clear (but my driveway and sidewalk which is ice-covered). Friday we get slammed with freezing rain again – not looking forward to that at all.

          2. It was a great birthday. We had that brutal cold the day before my birthday. Yesterday it was sunny and 38 so I enjoyed not having to bundle up when I went out for lunch and a bit of wandering around shopping I did on my own.

          3. See, we get your leftover weather the next day. 🙂 We ended up at 52 degrees, last I looked it was 49 – thankfully the ice is gone and it was pleasant when I came home – not like the dead of Winter the day before (just like you had).

  14. Pumpkin fun, sly references and happy enjoyable photos. Quite thoughtful as well.

    My 59th. A resort with a fabulous restaurant for three nights.
    Every day an adventure drive to see where roads went, finding cafes for lunch, then back in the afternoon for aperitif (took our own to cut some costs, plus we could have what we wanted.)
    Maybe a spa bath before dressing for dinner then stagger back and fall into the biggest bed you have ever seen.
    The kids want to know what you want for your birthday. A cash donation to a resort and someone to cat sit while you’re away 👍😁💰😺🏖️😎

    1. Hi Brian! I’m thankful you enjoyed the post.
      I’m now jealous of your 59th birthday adventures. WOW – that does sound dreamy! The year I turned 29 we did something like that – dinner and a play and a nice stay in a B&B. 30 years ago, perhaps I’m overdue and will have to do that for my 60th? Thanks for the delightful ideas! 😍🥰😉

  15. Hi Shelley. Your thoughts on aging have paralleled mine. I’ve decided not to worry about the numerics. We can define who we are no matter what age we are. We don’t need society to tell us how we should be and act at any age! Happy birthday! 🙂 Honor who you are. 🙂

    1. Hi Patti – thank you for the birthday wishes and for sharing your encouraging words of wisdom about aging – much appreciated! 🤗😊

  16. ha, fun read Shelley. Love your un-becoming quote. My mantra! Life is meant to be lived and loved, with our truest self. In all honestly, I think you do that well Shelley. lol . Just grasping life and running with it. Happy birthday. Can’t believe you broke the dang tree stand. lol. I set up my decorations prior to our trip. I was thinking how organized I was. When I turned one of the trees on, one whole section of lights was out. Drove me crazy, but it is what it is…for now. Have a good week.

    1. Aw, thank you, Donna, I give that motto preference in my day-to-day life. I don’t always succeed, but I have fun trying to!

      Dang, I hate it when the lights stop working like that. We had left the lights, garland, and beads on the tree last year to save time this year. It’s a small tree that has two sections. The two section part I hadn’t remembered. Mr. brought it upstairs and set it in the room, not in place where I wanted it. So, thinking I was all smart and strong enough to move it myself, I picked it up from the top and the bottom section dropped and that’s how I broke the stand. Mr. superglued it and we’re hoping that it survives. Who knows, maybe some night in the middle of the night we’ll hear the tree crashing again. 🙄🤔

      I so enjoyed your empty photos from Italy. You captured the essence of the enchanting scenes there. You should sell some of those photos to be in their travel guides. 😉

    1. Happy Birthday to you! I liked 55, it’s fun to say/sing, “I can’t drive 55” all day long. I enjoyed your rounded photos too.
      Aw, that’s great about the pumpkins. So far no critters have found my little pumpkin. 😥

  18. Happy Birthday! I never set any goals – I just live on and I am very grateful to be able to do so. I never have any empty days and I try not to worry about the future. I know time is running the wrong way, but there is so much to be grateful for!

    1. Thank you, Anne-Christine!! I love your take on living. I see it in your photos too. So true, there is much to be grateful for and to celebrate each day we’re alive!

  19. Happy belated birthday, Shelley! I hope you had a wonderful Thanksgiving and enjoyed your birthday week. You are only as old as you feel, or as old as your brain wants you to be. Enjoy these days and the coming year of whatever comes your way. I hope it’s a fun and exciting year.

    1. Thank you, Mary! I did enjoy both days and am embracing the last of my 50s with an open heart approach.
      I hope you have a wonderful holiday season and that you are too tempted to eat all of those wonderful looking cookies in one setting! 🧐😊
      Dessy and Tizzie are sending their love and Christmas wishes to Hoshi and Gibbs.

  20. I’m still not ready for December, Shelley, and yet here we are! Happy Birthday, my friend. I hope it was wonderful and that you did just what you wanted and nothing you didn’t. I like your idea to use your imagination every day. That’s a great goal. It’s so easy to just cross off items on our day-to-day to-do lists, and not mix things up a bit. Tapping into our imagination can do just that. Thanks for such an inspiring post!

    1. Hi Rebecca! As each December day goes by I realize how unready I am for the month’s festivities ahead. I asked my youngest what she thought of me not wrapping presents just putting them back into the shipping containers. She said, “I’d be up for that, it’s just as exciting to open a box when it arrives, so why not just seal the boxes up again?” Maybe I should and give them a box opener as a stocking stuffer…?! Now your comment has inspired me to think about December in a creative way!
      Thank you for your blogging buddy friendship – I love how we can just pop in and check in on each other and never feel like we’ve missed a beat! 💗😍🥰

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