Please tell me that I’m not the only one feeling disjointed these days? As a human race, we’re all working hard to find ways to stay connected with our loved ones, or friends, or people in general. While we stay physically distant from each other.
I’m missing not only seeing my kids but our family members that live next door, and those that live within 3 miles from us. Seems so wrong that we can’t visit our own family, right? That we can’t be together on a holiday. That we can’t run around the yard to look for hidden Easter baskets.
Or sit at the table and color eggs together.
I try not to spend my days thinking about it, but the thoughts keep coming back around. I’m feeling a tad stir crazy. We were even encouraged by our public health departments not to take a drive around town, in our own car, nope – just stay home.
Loneliness does not come from having no people around you, but from being unable to communicate the things that seem important to you. – Carl Jung
Every spring, our family would take a trip. Sometimes it would just be around town or a town close to home. Or a place where fantasies come true.
When we could afford it, we’d head to our favorite fantasy spot to escape from the cold winter months.
Usually, the trips or the plans involved us working around school schedules. The last time we had to do that was in 2017. The year our youngest graduated from college. That was the year I was 6 months into my transition to natural gray. Yay! I’ve been thinking a lot about all the people wishing they could go to the hairdressers these days. Seriously, it is the BEST time to go gray – you’re not alone, you have more people who can empathize and sympathize with you than I did 3 years ago! Just embrace it I say!
My daughters and hubby supported me on that journey. And I made it through the transition and was able to show off my grays in Jamaica when we went on our last trip together last year.
We loved that trip just as much as we did on our very first trip there, 10 years prior to that. My how time flies.
I think about all the people we’ve met down in Jamaica and how sad it is for them at this time to not have all the tourists there. And the festivities and parties.
I bet they feel lonely. I hope they’re still playing music and singing though.
As I revisited our trips from the past, I also thought back to holidays, spent with and without being with family. This isn’t the first Easter where our family isn’t together. I called my dad yesterday to remind him to stay home. He said they would. I talked to my brother and he’s at home safe too.
I thought about how 8 years ago I missed our Easter dinner celebration because I spent it with my mom in her room at the memory care facility she was living in. She slept, while I prayed for her. I thought about our last hugs that February.
And about where she is now.
Just a couple of months before Easter, she was smiling and goofing around with us.
A few short days after Easter, she was gone. Yesterday, on the anniversary of her death, I was thinking about how I was holding my mom’s hand as she passed away. It was a peaceful moment for both of us. It was a very warm spring that year and I remember telling her about the tulips that were sprouting outside her window. It feels weird to know that to visit her now it’s at her gravesite. Social distancing to the extreme, I guess.
We have a family tradition to get together on the anniversary of mom’s passing – to toast to the memory of her, raising up in cheers a favorite martini, with two olives.
We got together via Skype yesterday. It was nice to see our daughter’s faces and smiles and to hear their stories. It felt good, yet disjointed at the same time.
I wonder if I’m at a breaking point yet? I hope not, and I hope you’re not at that point either.
This social distancing just feels so wrong. And then I remember why we’re doing it and who we’re protecting by slowing the spread. My mom was among one of those people in the most vulnerable populations. And I can’t imagine how horrible it feels for family members who lose loved ones and they can’t be with them before they pass away. It’s for those I stay at home. It’s for those I pray we all collectively help stop the spread.
Post Inspiration – Linda G. Hill’s Stream of Consciousness Saturday – ‘joint’ and Lens-Artists (guest host John) #92 Going Back the Second Time Around.
PS – I’m thinking of all of you. I hope you’re well and safe! Take care, xx
The “distancing” is hard. We aren’t terribly social people, but we miss the interactions we usually have. It’s for the best, but I hope the fact that we don’t like it helps us to accept things that might need to be changed in order to be better prepared in the future.
Happy Easter, Shelley.
I feel the same way as you do, Dan. I hope we’re learning and preparing for the future.
Happy Easter to you and the Editor and Faith too! And to your furry friends too 🙂
This is a beautiful post Shelley, in so many ways. I loved seeing your family enjoying each other’s company, and reading about your time with your mom. We had 35 of my husband’s family on Zoom for Passover and today we’ll have 22 of my family for an Easter zoom. While it’s obviously not the same as being together, on the other hand those who normally cannot travel the distance to celebrate were able to virtually join us this year, and that is rather special too. Wishing you more family reunions to come.
Thank you, Tina, I appreciate your encouraging words.
Wow – your gatherings on Zoom sound fun! We haven’t tried Zoom yet. I heard that zoom parties all over lead to a slow down on the internet? Did you have any troubles?
I wish you many more reunions too. And many more travels so you can share your adventures with us. Your post made me smile this morning, thank you!!
Shelley, this was wonderful to read and a bit sad of course. God bless your sweet momma. Lovely family photos! I too am so tired of being cooped up at home. Haven’t got much left to do inside or out of my house to spiff it up. Gaaah!! Stay safe and sane guys. 🙏🏻
Thank you, John, your kind words mean a lot to me.
I need to focus on trying to get things all spiffed up too. It’s easier when the weather is more permitting. 8 inches of heavy wet snow and a day of 20 mph winds doesn’t lend one to feel extra motivation 😉 Send sun and warmth our way, okay?! Stay safe and sane too John!
Beautifully expressed, Shelley. Your willingness to share your thoughts and your photos help me to move out of
my own square footage. Do not worry about reaching any limits … you are resilient. So are we all.
Thank you, Ellen – I’m so happy to hear from you and am glad you’re doing okay! Yes, we are all resilient, hopefully we’ll stay that way. 🙂
Great family photos, Shelley. Lovely words too. Stay safe!
Thank you, Janet! Stay safe and well 🙂
Yes, such a difficult time. This is lovely post, and I join you in missing my loved ones. Easter is “my” holiday, and we usually do brunch for 12-20 people depending on the year. It feels a little empty this year. But my brother did arrange a group video chat for my siblings and my mom and me. It was fun if a little weird. But overall, I enjoyed it.
The one upside of this for me has been hearing from all of my grown kids often – much more often than normal since they’re all stuck at home, too. And they cooking and wanting recipes and advice and just to chat. So that’s nice. 🙂
Happy Easter!
Hi Laurel – your stopping by made my Easter extra bright!! It’s so nice to hear from you. That’s wonderful that you were able to do a fun family video chat. I bet everyone was missing the normal spread of delightful brunch food.
Now that you mention it, we are hearing more from our kids too – mostly snap chats, but it is fun to hear from them more. Yesterday, my oldest and I sewed masks together ‘virtually’ – after 3 made each we decided that we’re not going to quit our day jobs ;-).
Take care, stay safe, and Merry Easter – in case the snow storm we got yesterday hits your state next!
You’re doing absolutely the right thing by distancing, even though it’s hard to be away from our kids and other family members. I like what you wrote about “going gray.” I started turning gray in high school (believe it or not). I’m sure you’ll agree that it’s much easier to let it go natural and better for your health. I am hoping that we can all celebrate together when the vaccine becomes available or when the experts tell us it’s safe. It will be a great celebration! Take care, Shelley, and stay safe.
Thank you for your thoughts, Patti!
I remember finding my first gray in 7th grade. I definitely agree with you that it is much easier and healthier to go gray naturally.
I have hope too that we’ll hear soon so we can all celebrate making it through this!
PS – I enjoyed your photos – especially the clouds you captured. Take care and stay safe!
Hopefully when we emerge from this nightmare, we will have a better understanding on the importance of a gentle touch, that warm hug and that family dinner that we sometimes are too busy to do. You pictures are wonderful and show the love of family. May we never take that love for granted. Be safe and at least there is technology that allows us to at least communicate.
Thank you for your words of wisdom, Anita. I’m hoping we all are able to hang on to the love and kindness. I hope you’re safe and well and able to stay in touch with those you love!
Doing well and my family in the south is well after yesterday storms. We have enough to worry about without dangerous weather showing her face.
I’m glad you’re well! Yes, indeed, we have enough on our plates without weather issues adding to it!
My older son moved out in December. There have been a few people off sick at his work (who knows with what) so he won’t be coming over today. We decided just to forget doing a dinner tonight, since it just won’t feel the same. Happy Easter!
Aw, sorry to hear you had to adjust your plans. I hope your son doesn’t catch whatever it is spreading at his work. Your Easter post made me smile ;-)! Stay well and safe!
Thanks. Hope you and your family keep well too.
Your post captured the ambivalence we all are feeling. We understand the need to be away from our friends and family, but it still feels wrong. The picture of you and your mother holding the bear is priceless. Virtual hugs to you on this very sad anniversary.
Thank you, Janis. I think that each week that goes by it feels even more wrong. I’m sure my mom would’ve had words to say about it all. She was in the assisted living when the H1N1 virus went through the world. The photo we took together is one of my favorites. 🙂 Hugs to you and yours, stay safe and well!
Oh yes, everything feels out of joint. I am a creature of habit, and though I spend much of my time alone, there are some days–like Easter–when to isolate feels wrong. But you’re so right that it’s for the best and for those who really cannot get seriously ill. I didn’t know before–both of our moms passed away right around Easter. I remember hearing, around the time of my mom’s passing, that it’s a very common time to go. Don’t know if that’s true or not, but I like the idea of resurrection, if not in a coming again kind of way, at least in a never too far from us in spirit kind of way. I’m glad you enjoyed your time with your kids in honor of your mom, even if it was virtual. My brother and sister and I met that way, last week (they live in Seattle), and we said, why have we never done this before? Happy Easter, my friend!
Aw, thank you for sharing more about your mom that I didn’t know either. I have heard that too about deaths around Easter.
I’m glad to hear you and your siblings got together virtually. It is strange that it takes a virus to get us to try and connect in different ways. Something to be grateful for!
Your blogging friendship is something else I’m grateful for! Stay well!
PS – I’ve been reading your posts on my phone where I can’t like or comment, it’s fun to see you joining the Daily Prompts. I remember those days when I first started on WP – I loved participating in the prompts. It’s a fun way to meet new bloggers. I hope you’re enjoying the fun!! xxxxx
Wonderful memories Shelley 🙂
Thank you, Brian 🙂
Holidays make all of this isolation even harder. Today was especially hard despite the wonders of facetime. Wonderful heartfelt post and I share much of your sentiment. I keep the faith that this will end before too much longer and we can resume “normal” again. Loved the family photos too. 🙂
Thank you! Yes, holidays are hard in isolation. It was really hard not to see our inlaws who live next door. 🙁 I’m keeping faith that this will end soon. Our Gov ordered to extend the stay-at-home orders until May 26. Needless to say, that news came with mixed emotions. I hope you’re well and safe, take care!!
You’re welcome. I hope it will end soon too. I think our stay-at-home orders will be extended as well. Now the date is May 4th. Hang in there! That’s all we can do.
Yay – you’re getting close to opening up then. Our order was extended until 5/26. But, after seeing all the traffic yesterday, I’m guessing people are fed up with the idea. Hang in there!
Thanks! You too! We’ve started a Phase One in the process of opening up – not much that affects me though.
You’re welcome. I hope the process is going well for your state!
This was a bittersweet post Shelley – our state is discouraging “joyriding” – the state police said do not take out your car or motorcycle no matter how nice the weather is because if you get into an accident, you will need the attention of a first responder (if bad enough an ambulance or EMS vehicle), a police officer, a tow truck driver and due to your “joyride”, the hospital workers will have to focus their attention you and not other patients in more dire situations. A large handslap to everyone. I heard cars and motorcycles as well. Those are nice memories with you and your mom – I remember discussing her penchant for bears as I collected them for years too. This weekend was a sad anniversary with regard to my mom too. The dates of this Easter weekend were exactly the same as in 2009. I kept reliving the Good Friday, the last day before my mom took that dizzy spell which I still believe was a stroke. I came home from a short errand to find her dazed and confused on the kitchen chair and trembling and asked me to walk with her down the hall to the bedroom, where she plopped face down on the bed, not moving. Responses to my worried questions of “what is wrong – should we call an ambulance” were “go away now.” I’m never been so scared in my life. She slept like that, face down, clothes and shoes on (feet hanging off the bottom of the bed) until late Sunday – occasionally waking up, refusing vehemently to go to the hospital where we finally went on Easter Monday the 13th only for us to be told she was dehydrated. Right – I knew my mom, dehydrated was not the issue. Three bags of saline later and we were on our way, right after midnight on Tuesday, April 14th. I’ve relived it over and over and will tomorrow as well.
Yes, our Gov ordered the same thing about car rides.
Thank you for sharing your story about your mom. I think you’re right that she had a stroke. It’s odd that they didn’t test her to make sure? Glad the saline drips worked for her. I feel for you and your remembering of the ‘I wish I would’ve done something different’ feelings. We do have to forgive ourselves though. I hope you have done so. Hugs to you as you remember your mom too. xxxxxx
Thank you Shelley – there will always be memories, bittersweet and the first birthday after my mom died, for my mom as well as me, and Mother’s Day was the hardest. My mom’s birthday was Valentine’s Day so that was two weeks after she passed away; then my birthday in April. Seeing and hearing the ads for Mother’s Day the first year was really tough. As the song says: “What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger, stronger!”
This is a very touching post and right on point Shelly. My Son is still in college, so I at least I have him home with me, which allowed us to do some of the traditional Easter things like coloring eggs, but the big family gathering of course was canceled. Good Friday was the five year anniversary of my Mother’s passing so in honor of her and the holiday my family did do a virtual gathering, which was nice to see everyone, but not like really being together. I’m a bit of an introvert, as is my Son, so generally we are fairing OK with the stay-at-home order, but with each passing week though I miss my normal routine and my work buddies, They’re my second family, and in all honesty until this all happened I never realized how much I actually miss being at my job. I never thought I would experience that. I guess that’s silver lining in this because I still have 8 years till I can technically retire.
Thank you, Mariann. I appreciate you stopping by to read and share your thoughts. I enjoyed reading your post about ‘non-essential’ status. The way you’ve worked through those feelings as well as the beautiful artwork and writing you shared are heartwarming. I hope you’re able to get back to your work family soon. I’m with you – I’ve got at least 8 or more years before retirement. This shutdown can’t last that long! Take care and stay safe and stay in touch! xx
I like your photos and am pleased that seeing them brings you happiness. It was an odd Easter, I’ll say that. Disjointed is a great way to envision all that we’re going through right now. Some days I feel quite pulled together, but then I begin to unravel, often over the smallest things. Still being safe at home is important now, so here we sit. Disjointed or not.
Thank you, Ally, I appreciate you sharing your thoughts. Yes, we’re disjointed and safe. For now, that is.
I really liked your entry and I understand your feelings very well, I think there are many of us who share the same.
We miss the closeness of family and friends.
Much encouragement, this will pass, although I honestly do not know what our life will be like later.
Take care, Shelley.
By the way, I love your grey hair!
Thank you, Ana, I appreciate you stopping by and sharing your thoughts. Your post this morning (19th) hits the mark on how many of us are feeling. Soon we’ll be able to travel around and capture more fun photos.
Thank you – I’m thankful for my grey hair 🙂
Take care, and stay well! xx
Lovely.
Take care.
Thank you, Rupali. The photos you shared are beautiful!
Oh, Shelley! What a beautiful tribute to your mom. I loved reading about your family vacations and your relationship with your mom. I have been thinking a lot about my mom lately. I don’t know why. The anniversary of her passing was at Christmastime. She has been gone 12 years now and I still think about her often. She was in a memory care facility at the end too. When my mother-in-law passed away, we toaster her with martinis too. she always thought they were such a sophisticated drink! 🙂 Cheers to all the mothers who are no longer with us!
Aw, thank you, Laurie. I don’t think we’ll ever stop remembering our moms. I think when things are tough, a contact with mom seems like what we should do. It’s hard when we can’t do so.
Cheers to all the mothers! And to you, I hope you are well and safe! xx
Disjointed is a good word, Shelley. Tears and hugs for you sharing about your Mother. I found the week before Easter and including Easter was also a low point for me. We used to do everything together as a family. We watched our grandchildren two days a week. One of them had a birthday Easter weekend. Only Zoom and Video chat right now. I still do count my blessings, yet a roller coaster of emotions. I LOVE all of the happy family photos you shared. Take care.
Thank you, Erica. The holidays seem to be a hard time for all of us. We’re feeling like our state gov will keep us shut down until after Memorial Day this month. I’m glad you found ways to stay in touch with your family and that you’re counting your blessings too. Thank you for sharing your thoughts. Take care!