The one thing I imagined I’d look forward to with an empty nest is that our house would always be clean and tidy. There wouldn’t be shoes and clothes strewn about. There wouldn’t be messes on the floors, and stuff left behind the doors. There wouldn’t be piles of papers on the counters. There wouldn’t be laundry left undone. And, there wouldn’t be dishes left on the counter from dinner the night before.
The house would be immaculate. And we’d be free to have sex whenever we wanted to.
But I digress.
Anyhoo…
An empty nest house is easier to keep clean or at least I have no shame in trying to believe it will be. I haven’t figured out the best schedule for cleaning yet, nor have I really tried to. It’s only been 3 weeks since the youngest child moved far away…I’m still working on a plan.
What an idiot I was to think that the house would stay perfectly clean. Two people, with three pets = a messy house.
Duh! Cats are messy.
They shed hair, they vomit, and they track cat litter everywhere they cross.
Eventually, someone has to clean up their mess.
Yesterday, it was a glorious day in our empty nest. It was raining outside, I was excited to have time to myself to write blog posts, balance the checkbooks, pay some bills, do some laundry – you know, all the fun kind of stuff. And then my “I’m not cleaning today” plans were thrown out the window when I fed the cats.
And glanced at the litter box.
And I remembered there was a small ant invasion to deal with, too.
Great…I love to get sidetracked.
I gathered together my tools of the trade and got busy cleaning.
My feeling-sorry-for-myself-self was thinking, “I’ve got nothing better to do, do I?”
Flashbacks of the kids running past the vacuum cleaner hose as they’d take off to have fun or make another mess ran through my head. “Man this feels weird, maybe it has been a long time since I cleaned?”
In an attempt to avoid making decisions beyond the ‘getting all the debris, dust, and cat hair off the floor’, I used my Dubious MinimalistTM techniques. That is, instead of tossing anything that I wasn’t sure we needed any more, I just emptied each spot, dusted the item off, vacuumed the floor and then put each item back where I found it. I diligently worked my way across the floor in that fashion.
As I moved my way across the floor, I noticed that I had misread the instructions on the ant trap.
Shit…
Instead of cutting off just the little area marked red, I cut it straight across at the tab marks, so all the liquid ran out and mixed in with the cat hair.
Nice…fricken nice…
I cleaned up that mess and moved on to vacuum the hallway – you know since I had the vacuum out, I might as well keep on vacuuming. And there they were, thousands of them. An ant colony had invaded the hallway, the bathroom, and the bar area.
Nice…fricken nice…
So I grabbed my camera to get a shot of the ant trails. Not a single photo turned out. Except for a nice short video I posted on Instagram. I wasn’t in a hurry to deal with the ants – I had all the time in the world at my disposal – I had nothing better to do.
Freaking out at the magnitude of the invasion, I got to work vacuuming up every ant I could see. In a gallant effort, I put out two more ant traps. That was after first consulting the Mr. He showed me how to cut the trap correctly.
Then it was time to wait for the magic of the traps to work. I was feeling quite accomplished, and tired enough to pay some bills and balance a checkbook. The stuff I had planned on doing.
I got busy with the fun paper shuffling stuff.
Since no one was paying attention to me…
I listened to The Minimalist Podcasts for inspiration on downsizing stuff. While I diligently filed receipts (I’m such a rebel…The Minimalists don’t encourage keeping papers, they’re more of the scan and shred type of people) I lost track of time. Before I knew it, it was 5 o’clock.
Where the hell did the day go?
Me, thinking to myself, “I’ve worked damn hard all day. I should celebrate.”
I sauntered my way to the bar and rang the bell.
Mr. promptly appeared: “Yes, dear, what can I get for you today?”
Me: “Thank you, sir, I believe I deserve a martini.”
Mr: “Yes, you do deserve a drink, the ant cleaning adventure took you 3 hours to complete. You must be exhausted…you worked hard today.”
Me: “Yeah, the ant cleaning did take a long time. But I did get to balance one checkbook.”
Mr. smiles and steps behind the bar, and then points to the top of the bar.
Mr: “Are you up for trying something new?
Me: “Ooh…Yes! Make it with two olives please.”
Cheers!
Mr: “It’s been a long day…I’m tired too…and I don’t feel like cooking.”
Me: “You know I’m easy…a frozen pizza works for me.”
Mr: “Great, you can cook!”
Me: “By the way, thanks for the afternoon sex.”
Mr: “You’re welcome, I thought you’d enjoy them.”
And this morning, I smiled again as I glanced at the remnants of our little empty nest family’s mess…left behind to deal with today.
Yep, everyone was adequately nourished.
At least there aren’t many dishes to wash.
And hallelujah, the ants ate every drop of the poison, there’s not an ant in sight!
Post inspired by Cee’s Sunday Odd Ball Challenge and RagTag Inspiration
Cats are terribly messy, and can be just as destructive as dogs. What they lack in brute force they make up for in persistence.
I’ll see your indoor ant colony with my flies climbing out of the drain in the bathroom sink.
Yes, cats are messy and sometimes adorable and friendly, so we keep them! Oy…that sounds gross…did you write about the flies? I must have missed that post, do share, misery loves company!
I have had it all, kids (4), cats(3).ants (not able to count), but have survived. I am now left with one middle aged son, a mister and one cat aged 15 who is too old to make a mess. The ants are lurking somewhere in the garden, waiting for the next piece of sticky sweet stuff to arrive). I am now 71 years old and after 50 years of marriage I now have it all under control, but it took most of the 50 years so good luck.
Oh, my gosh, you have had it all and lived to tell about the bright future to look forward to it under control! Thank you for sharing your words of inspirational wisdom!
hahahahahahaha … yep that’s about right. I feel like I am cleaning up after a two year old. Kat’s toys, litter spills, and messy food station can be eyesores. And she is the only additional pet/resident/Boss here. Add in a seventy plus Old Guy and it is little wonder that half the house has to have its doors closed. I found it makes things easier when I do a task every other tv commercial break.Of course, that hopeful cleaning schedule only works if not hindered with sudden naps … g
Go for the naps…cats (KATS) love to cuddle up for naps!!! There’s nothing better than a nap with a cat!
Ahh yes, know many of those cleaning adventures. No kids, but cats and ants, oh yes. Did the wrong trim on the bait pack, too! Nice olives!
Thank you for the sympathy Steph, you stopping by to read and share your thoughts is so appreciated! Cheers to your cleaning adventures!
Very funny.
Thank you!
Hi Shelley, thanks for playing along this week. 😀 Wonderful post.
Thank you, Cee! It’s always fun to play along!
Ants are bad this year, but so far they haven’t come inside yet, like they have some years. Cats are sweet and adorable…and yes, messy! Looks like our place, with the food bits, and litter scattered. .. Enjoy planning your empty next activities! 🙂
Aw, thanks for sharing your perspective on the critters! Same to you, enjoy planning your next activities! 🙂