When choosing to go gray we worry that others will think we are letting ourselves go. If you are the person going gray you know that is definitely not the case. In fact, we may be taking even better care of ourselves than we did when we were coloring our hair.
Good graycious, I know I felt every 4-5 weeks that I was “letting myself go” when I waited an extra few days to cover up the gray!
Going gray is different. Going gray brings up subtle differences in the feelings of letting ourselves go and taking care of ourselves by choosing not to color our hair.
We go through a ton of different emotions and it takes a lot of TLC to go gray. No matter what route we take to get there. But, there are definitely moments where we waver back and forth between worrying about what we want to do and what we think others will/do think of us.
Why should we care? It’s our hair!
I can just hear Mark Manson cheering us on by saying, “You chose to give a f*ck about something (going gray).”
Last night I had a nightmare about going gray. Now that I have a full head of a natural mixture of all sorts of shades of gray, it’s pretty darn obvious that I “let” myself go gray. Perhaps it is weighing on my mind more to end up having a dream about it?
In the dream, I was at an event of some kind (really doesn’t matter where), oh wait…it was a bar, yeah, it was a bar. Anyhow…as I was walking through the bar, I saw a relative that I hadn’t seen in a long time. She was with her husband, who is (gulp) a hairdresser. Yikes…they are both older than me, and yes, he colors her hair. I realize yet again that OMG, I don’t color my hair anymore. Horrible of me, yes, I know!
As I walk up to them in the dream, he looks away and doesn’t even acknowledge me. So I turn to her to give her a hug. As I lean in to do so she laughs and hugs me back while she says, “That hair looks hideous!” Sh*t, I didn’t expect that, so I break away from the hug and lean back and say, “To each their own.” Well, that was a lame reply. Oh well, in a desperate attempt to find reassurance from the hairdresser, I look over to him to see what he is doing and he’s still not making eye contact. He turns to her without a word to me. He wraps his arm around her and they walk away.
Crap…that’s disappointing. Jeez, it would’ve been fun to ask him questions like, “What kind of style or shampoo do you recommend for my new look?” Nope, nothing. Just a fly by comment of it being hideous.
I woke up, went to the bathroom, got a drink of water and headed back to bed to try to fall asleep again. Of course my mind wonders as I toss and turn and relive the dream until I finally dozed off again.
Hmm…I’m still bothered by the dream this morning. Sometimes it is really freaking hard to shake the feelings that someone thinks you’re hideous looking. Of course it was just a dream. But we do (as people going gray or whatever it is that you’re choosing to do in life, especially if it is opposite of what the norm is doing) tend to worry about what other people think.
We need to stop that, and not give a f*ck about what other people think. Period.
I recently read Mark Manson’s book The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck: A Counterintuitive Approach to Living a Good Life. For me just sharing the title of the book should be something I would normally be afraid to do because other people might think less of me. My mom would likely be shocked at me even thinking about reading a book with that title. I can just imagine what some of my other family members or friends might think. But who cares. It’s an interesting read, I’d recommend you read it too.
When we get stuck in worrying about what other’s think, Mark says we are in the “Feedback Loop from Hell.”
Excerpt: “…you’re so worried about doing the right thing all the time that you become worried about how much you’re worrying. Or you feel so guilty for every mistake you make that you begin to feel guilty about how guilty you’re feeling. Or you get sad and alone so often that it makes you feel even more sad and alone just thinking about it. Welcome to the Feedback Loop from Hell…Now here’s the problem: Our society today, through the wonders of consumer culture and hey-look-my-life-is-cooler-than-yours social media, has bred a whole generation of people who believe that having these negative experiences – anxiety, fear, guilt, etc. – is totally not okay.”
I agree with Mark. It is hard not to notice ourselves when we get stuck in that loop from hell when we’re trying to slowly do something we really want to do. Going gray isn’t a quick process. Well, maybe if you shave your head at the beginning of the process it goes faster. But then it still has to grow out which takes the same amount of time depending upon how long you want your hair to be. Bottom line, it’s a long process.
Wonder what Mark would say to us about the subtle art of not giving a f*ck during the going gray process? (I did a double-check on the book cover, in his picture he isn’t going gray…yet…or maybe he colors his hair…?)
I bet he’d recommend we ponder his Subtlety #1 a bit and see if it doesn’t help us on the days when we’re stuck in the Feedback Loop from Hell:
“Not giving a f*ck does not mean being indifferent; it means being comfortable with being different.” – Mark Manson
When you choose to go gray you’re not being indifferent, you are being COMFORTABLE with being a different person than you used to be when you were coloring your hair. Don’t worry (don’t give a f*ck what other’s think), just do it!
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